Satire: The Last Episode of 24

[The President is in a meeting with his Top Advisors in the Situation Room.]

PRES: Gentlemen, I must tell you that we have just received a credible threat from--

[Outer Office Secretary Mabel enters as CAMERA FOLLOWS HER IN. All heads turn, a bit peevishly, for she is interrupting an urgent meeting between the President and his Top Advisors in the Situation Room. SLOW PAN and CLOSEUPS of each Top Advisor as they ponder this interruption. Their concern, heartache and conflict are written on their faces.]

MABEL: I'm sorry, Mr. President. It's Billy Bob at CTU. He says it's urgent.

[She hands the President a cell phone. ZOOM IN on cell phone.]

PRES [repressing annoyance]: Couldn't you have just buzzed me on the intercom and put him through to my land line?

MABEL: I'm sorry sir, but I felt like handing you a cell phone.

[CLOSEUP of cell phone as she hands it to him. 4-WAY SPLIT SCREEN of President's cell phone, Secretary of State's cell phone, Secretary of Defense's cell phone (still on belt clip), and a Security Guard's cell phone.

[ZOOM IN on President's cell phone, crowding out other panels of the SPLIT SCREEN.

[CUT TO SLIGHTLY QUIVERING PAN of Mabel exiting the Situation Room. Her personal tragedy and need to reorganize her desk are written on her face.]

PRES: Yes, Billy Bob. What is it? Have you confirmed that Bin Laden has the power to thin the rainforest, blow up all our major cities, and make people wait even longer at the airport?

[QUICK CUT after QUICK CUT as the others gasp; the country wouldn't be able to endure any more hassles at the airport.

[2-WAY SPLIT SCREEN. We see Pres on left screen and Billy Bob on right screen. SCREENS SPLIT AGAIN and we see Pres on upper left, Billy Bob in upper right, Pres tapping on his desk with a pencil in lower left, and Somebody Doing Pushups in lower right. Last screen SPLITS AGAIN and we see the Eyebrow, distraught and pulsating, of the Guy Doing Pushups.

[CUT TO cougar mauling Push-Up Guy. A baby cries in the background.

[CUT TO a FLEETING CLOSE-UP of Billy Bob's Left Nostril.

[CUT TO Pres, waiting.

Article Author: David M. Brown

David M. Brown is the publisher of The Webzine and runs the blog for Laissez Faire Books, where he recently posted about libertarian views on immigation.

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