Widely considered not to be the greatest actor of his generation, Keanu Reeves remains the poster boy for Hollywood’s lower requirements for fame. His performance in this film is so singularly horrid it boggles my simple mind. It is as if they made a movie from his rehearsals for The Matrix sequels. To complain that he is stiff and poorly executes his lines is like complaining that the ocean is moist.
This man is to acting what Mr. Rosie O’Donnell is to underwear modeling. How does he get work? Honestly, it is stunning that in a film about Hell, the most frightening thing in it is Keanu’s elocution. There were times when I actually had to (and I am not joking) stop the film and play it with subtitles to understand what Keanu was saying. Marlon Brando whispering with a mouthful of cottage cheese spoke more clearly than this mush mouth.
I should get to the movie.
When you see dogs sniffing one another, they’re actually checking to make sure the other dog doesn’t have the stench of this film on it. This thing is truly awful. It is a grand, brilliant gem of vile stupidity.
This dirty little ditty is based on the Hellblazer comic books. John Constantine (barely played by Keanu) has the gift of exorcism. He kicks demons back to Hell for a living and…what am I doing? I just spent more time explaining the plot than the filmmakers do in the film. The story is about a guy and some demons. The details are in there someplace, but no one has bothered to unearth them as of yet.
I urge you NOT to see this film if you have any theological bent to you at all. This is a heretical piece. I do not make that claim lightly. At every turn this film dismisses the Christian faith while embracing its symbols for its own uses. This is a celebration of demonic imagery and humanistic, new age jawboning. If you have any faith in you at all, this movie will turn your stomach. My long-suffering wife, who is particularly sensitive to such displays of disrespect, was yelling at the screen so much that by the time the credits rolled she was sounding like Nick Nolte after a couple of packs of Pall Malls.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Zee
And do you think you have ANY background to judge acting? You're an IDIOT.
2 - Dave Nalle
So, how did you like Kevin Smith's Dogma? Does he have a seat reserved in hell next to Keanu Reaves?
Dave
3 - Aaman
Were you in a theater? That must've been fun - all that yelling
4 - Naneali
Luckily the movie and the DVD were a success regardless of your drivel.
Are you, like many professional critics, just another failed actor?
And how come Keanu Reeves is one of Hollywood's biggest earners? He has, contrarily to many of his contemporates, worked with many big names in the business and is still around after 19 years and over forty movies.
5 - Aaman
I want to see the Kevin Smith version
6 - Aaman
Mr. Rosie O’Donnell??? - Dude, you've got issues
7 - Sandy
This critic probably has a low paying desk job somewhere insignificant to the entire movie world that he should just be laughed at. He obviously doesn't have the slightest clue or any originality, he's just one of those critics who jump on the "hate Keanu" bandwagon because he can't think for himself. Mr. Reeves continues to work because he has the utmost respect among fellow actors, directors, producers, huge fan base, and yes talent. Subtle like a Clint Eastwood who never over acts either. He's making the studios money right and left, so he can laugh his way to the bank as jerks like this guy conntinue their boring little useless lives.
By the way dumbass, this movie was a success and will probably be a sequel. Good to know people out there don't listen to morons like you.
8 - Phillip Winn
So Nehring didn't like the movie -- why all the hate?
I don't think much of Keanu as an actor, either, but I've heard great things about this movie (from Christians, by the way), so I'll check it out.
9 - Steve
I beg to differ sir, my wife and I enjoyed this movie very much and bought the dvd the day it came out. Keanu Reeves did a fine job, as did the entire cast. Reeves has always been underrated by critics, but its a good thing people don't go by what they say and judge for themselves, this is why the actor has so many fans and will work for a long time to come, much to your dismay.
10 - Julie
No you have it wrong, Nehring hates Keanu doesn't matter about the movie. Piss off idiot.
11 - Dave
This movie was cool, I bought it and so did many of my friends. Sounds like this critic has something personal against Keanu.
12 - giselle
Yeah i also think this guy just doesn't like Keanu. my boyfriend, nephew and I loved this movie. I bought it the day it came out. and keanu did great in this movie. He is obviously not as bad as "Keanu haters" think if he is still making movies and directors are picking him for certain roles. the director from Stealth wants him to play Sinbad and he honestly think he will be a good sinbad. and so do i. I'm tired of all these stupid people that keep dissing Keanu Reeves acting skills.
13 - Trish
What do you expect from BLOG critic. ROFLMAO, he's nothing.
14 - Phillip Winn
Directors keep picking him for roles because they believe that he puts butts in the seats. That it, no other reason. As long as they continue to believe that he puts butts in the seats, he'll continue to get roles. His acting skill or lack thereof has little or nothing to do with it.
I don't even understand comment #10, but personal insults are not allowed on this site. If I could figure out who has being insulted, I'd be more specific.
15 - Aaman
I don't like Comment 13 as well - many fine critics - and the review itself is impassioned - as all good reviews are. People should read some Pauline Kael or the other great critics to see how sharp their knives were.
16 - Dalia
The man is jealous, Keanu has it all and this dweeb has a blog where he displays his ignorance daily.
17 - Dawn G
I want to know why this critic has to be so hateful in his comments about Mr. Reeves. It's one thing to give a bad review, but he's downright nasty where you can see he obviously hates this actor. I'm not huge fan but I have seen many of Keanu's movies that I truly enjoyed. Matrix, Speed, Devil's Advocate, Somethings Gotta Give and yes Constantine. Try and not be so hateful.
18 - Katie
I loved this movie and agree that this critic is just plain NASTY.
19 - Bethanie
Keanu keeps working for a couple of reasons.
1.) He is reportedly a pleasure to work with, undemanding, committed, easy to get along with, and willing to do a take 100 times if that's what's necessary.
2.) A lot of people, myself included, like him very much. He does have a strange speaking voice, but I find his face and body language very expressive. His gestures and posture change entirely from character to character.
20 - Phillip Winn
I'm guessing none of you offering opinions on why Keanu keeps working own your own companies, eh? Perhaps not in upper management? Maybe haven't gone to business school? Don't necessarily read magazines like Harvard Business Review or The Economist or even Fortune?
Keanu gets high-profile roles because he puts butts in the seats. Period.
21 - with karate ill kik ur ass
I THINK DAVE IS RIGHT, THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE oop si left the caps lok on!! lol
22 - Kathleen
Your opinion would be swallowed easier if it weren't covered in acid.
People probably discount your opinion because it is delivered with personal agenda and not the attitude of (or at least the pretension) journalism.
The comments that Keanu only gets jobs because he puts butts in the seats is empty without an explanation of why he puts those butts in the seat. Why do you suppose that is? If people thought that they were going to see a movie with crappy acting, chances are they wouldn't go. 20 years in the business means something in my book.
Just as a matter of interest, apparently not too many people are following blogcritic's advice: Constantine DVD sales were No. 1 and No. 3 this last week.
BTW, Mr. Winn, I am not in "upper management." I am an attorney. Will that get me by your elitist snobbery?
23 - Marcy
He puts people in seats for good reason, the majority of people aren't like the critics who feel they have to call him wooden, etc. God forbid any of them to think for themselves and get off that bandwagon and see there is true talent there. I have read a few of late that finally "get it" and kudos to them. The movie goers and fans pay for the tickets and that's all that matters, not what jerks who have an obvious pre-determined hate for Keanu think. We "get it"
24 - Phillip Winn
This review is the opinion of one person, and that person isn't me. I haven't seen this movie yet, even though one of my brothers says it's one of his top ten favorite movies ever.
Why Keanu puts butts in the seats is irrelevant to those making the decision to cast him. We, as movie-watchers, can ponder why. They, as producers, don't care.
This movie has been reviewed six times total on Blogcritics.org, and this is but one.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and of course this very review right here on this page. Try some of the others on for size and see what you think.
25 - Jackie
THIS is a critic that has brains