So, yeah. I confess. I am a fangirl. Okay, so I’m not actually a girl. Anyone old enough to have a 21-year-old daughter long ago lost the right to “girlhood;” but fanwoman lacks a certain grace. So, fangirl it is.
I hereby plead guilty to having had a decades-long series of fictional character crushes since early childhood. My sad history of serial crushes has been undeterred by marrying the (very indulgent) love of my life (and still being married to him 26 years later), having had two (talented and brilliant) children and three careers.
But at least I’m consistent. My television, film, and (dare I say) literary crushes have all been loners. Emotionally distant, always brilliant but (at least in my fangirl-ish mind) harboring wounded souls. They are world-weary outsiders looking in (sometimes yearningly, sometimes not) — and all in need of some combination of love and redemption.
I made my entry into fangirl-dom when I was a mere child of nine years old. By then, already beguiled by the Beatles, their long hair and exotic British accents, my pre-pubescent eye caught a glimpse of the blonde mop-topped sidekick to Robert Vaughn’s Napoleon Solo on NBC’s The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Illya Kuryakin, the mysterious, masterfully intelligent, brooding and accented Russian spy.
The suave, and ever self-assured Napoleon Solo, ladies man and establishment type, did nothing for me. Even at that young age, I knew that overly self-assured, conventionally handsome heroes were definitely NOT my type. Illya, with his collection of American jazz albums, turtleneck sweaters, intense eyes and slightly rebellious take on things — complete with his own moral code — became my personal archetype for the ideal (fictional) man. My Illya-love (including his rather English accent) would frame my fangirlishness for the next 40 years. Of course when the show first aired, there were no such conveniences as AVIs, DVDs, or even VCRs (nope, not even BETA). No opportunity to watch and re-watch every stare, every subtle bit of body language. My parents’ worst punishment would be to deny me my hour of U.N.C.L.E.
A couple years later, Star Trek premiered (also on NBC). James T. Kirk (William Shatner) was the Napoleon Solo of the USS Enterprise. Sophisticated and arrogant, he was the designated Trek heartthrob . Yeah well, not to me. While all of the female guest stars (human and alien alike) fell for the over-the-top Kirk, I was crushing on the distant and outwardly cold science officer Mr. Spock.
Article comments
1 - grigorisgirl
Only the other day I was trying to explain my Bezuhov/Hopkin "thing" to somebody on-line and now I find him at the top of the page!
Kuryakin, Rochester, Dalton, Rickman, we must have been seperated at birth!
2 - Barbara Barnett
I have found (especially in the last couple of years) that a lot of women have followed a similar set of actors. I can post a comment making reference to Illya on a House, MD or a Hugh Laurie fan message board, only to have 15 people acknowledging that they, too, had a "thing" for Illya. My reason for writing this blog was to try to make some sense out of that exact phenomenon!
Barbara
3 - sdemar
Barbara, I, too, loved Illya Kuryakin and Spock. I even attended a Star Trek convention so I could meet LN. Luke, of General Hospital, was another one that tugged at my heart. And now, Hugh Laurie, and those beautiful blue eyes of his. He makes me sigh. You are in good company, my friend.
4 - genagirl
I hear you, Sister! My fictional boyfriends began with Jack Wilde on H.R. Puffenstuff (his cute accent made me fall in love with Brits for the next 40 years). I still get a kick out of David McCallum on NCIS though I was a Napoleon fan and my obsession with Hugh Laurie and House is as great as yours. What can you do, they're always sexy, complicated and usually wounded, they never make messes and they leave you alone when you turn off the TV set - the perfect man.
5 - Barbara Barnett
Thanks Sdemar!
Genagirl--You are so right. No muss/no fuss. Perfect men. It's funny how our tastes are established so early on. When I look back and think of how young I was when my attraction to a specific male type began, it's pretty bizarre. I don't think the same can be said for my daughter (although I don't know for sure).
But oh, my. Jack Wilde on HR Puffenstuff. Wasn't he also in the original Oliver! cast? I seem to recall something about that. But it's been (sigh) 40 years?
barbara
6 - Louise
Dear Sister Barbara,
You do have exquisite taste. I really thought I was past all this intense absorption until the additively fascinating Hugh Laurie brought his talents to House. But, I tend to be loyal--or obsessed--I just purchased a DVD to keep watching Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia--the VHS tape wore out. Ah, there along with Rochester is a prototypical wounded hero.
Louise
7 - Judy
ditto, ditto, ditto! I have found my true family!! welcome home girls!
8 - Barbara Barnett
But, I tend to be loyal--or obsessed--I just purchased a DVD to keep watching Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia--the VHS tape wore out. Ah, there along with Rochester is a prototypical wounded hero.
I did the same thing with the BBC Jane Eyre. And of course I absolutely HAD to have both the UK and US versions of Maybe Baby (with Hugh Laurie). And then get a region decoder for my computer so that I could watch the Region 2 version (and the director/actor commentary track with Hugh and Ben Elton)...ah, what we do for our men!
9 - iamdaffodils
My name is Cathy and I'm a Hugh-holic. Excellent blog Barbara! And yes, another Ilya Kurakin fan here. I was probably about 6 or 7 when Man From Uncle started. I never understood how anyone could have a crush on Napoleon Solo - there was just no comparison as far as I was concerned. I even had an Ilya Kurakin doll with the gun that really worked! Wish I still had that.
My first three childhood crushes were Richard Chamberlain, David McCallum and Davy Jones, so I had a thing for British accents early on - (Chamberlain moved to England after Kildare ended, so he had one too at one point!)
But back to the topic at hand - Mr. Laurie makes me feel like I'm back in grade school again. He's definitely the best crush I've ever had - even though I'm WAY told old to be a fan girl. What's the cutoff age on that by the way?
Cathy
10 - Barbara Barnett
Hi Cathy,
I'm "sasmom" on a fan forum which we both well (I think, anyway!)
I had an Illya doll too! And my older (musician) brother made me my own transmitter out of a 1/4 inch amplifier jack!
But, as you say, back to the subject at hand (and although this essay isn't part of "Welcome to the End of the Thought Process" my House feature here on BlogCritics, it's certainly the source it is certainly related to it). Hugh Laurie's splendid, nuanced and emotional portrayal of the (supposedly) unemotional Gregory House certainly spawned this most recent (and long-lasting) crush.
As far as an age cutoff, I'm ancient at 52, so... I say there is no age cutoff to this particular sisterhood!
barbara
11 - iamdaffodils
Hi Barbara! Yes I'm quite familiar with (like practically live there!) that particular fan forum (and the one we used to post at too - not sure if you still do since I quit going there). I always love your insight and analyses. You wrote such an amazing one for S3 - made me realize things that as many time as I've watched those episodes, had never thought about, and I understood the journey from Meaning to Human Error.
That is so cool that your brother made you a trasmitter! My brother is 6 years older so he was a teen and really into Man From Uncle back in the day...of course he watched it for very different reasons than I did!!!!
I like that you describe House as "supposedly" unemotional because we know how untrue it is to call him unemotional, or when someone says he doesn't care about a patient. We've had too many scenes of him in the hallway silently, intently watching his patients. We know better. Another thing I dislike is when he's described as a grouch or cranky. To me that's just too easy a label to put on the character. He's far more complex and layered to be explained away with an adjective. As he told Stella in Need To Know, "I'm complicated. Chicks dig that." Oh yeah!!!
Oh and glad to know there's not an age cutoff on fangirlhood - I'm 50 and so happy to be in the sisterhood of Hughlovers!
12 - Barbara Barnett
I like that you describe House as "supposedly" unemotional because we know how untrue it is to call him unemotional, or when someone says he doesn't care about a patient. We've had too many scenes of him in the hallway silently, intently watching his patients. We know better. Another thing I dislike is when he's described as a grouch or cranky. To me that's just too easy a label to put on the character. He's far more complex and layered to be explained away with an adjective. As he told Stella in Need To Know, "I'm complicated. Chicks dig that." Oh yeah!!!
The "supposedly" was placed in there for just the reason you describe so well. I've always contended that rather than House not being able to "feel," he actually "feels" too much. His attitude, the walls he puts up and the other defenses he employs are to prevent his feelings from both exposure and from getting in the way of the objective rational problem solving he needs for his job (and his passion.) We've seen House in situations where his emotions are too close to the surface; and like Mr. Spock, his efforts to submerge them behind rationalism and logic sometimes fail. It is then when we get those "moments."
Barbara
13 - iamdaffodils
"His attitude, the walls he puts up and the other defenses he employs are to prevent his feelings from both exposure and from getting in the way of the objective rational problem solving he needs for his job (and his passion.)"
Perfectly said Barbara. He won't ever let anyone catch him caring for exactly the reasons you said. But I would love for them to do an episode where we see him deal with his emotions in the aftermath of a patient's death, a child, who he had bonded with but of course never let on that fact to anyone. There's always fan fiction I guess!
Cathy
14 - Ragtag
Hehehe...well, what can one say after this? I too am a HUGE fangirl and have always been one, ever since Knightrider (I loved that car) to my latest crush Richard Armitage. I know he won't be my last - it's already fading next to Stephen Dillane. *Sigh*.
I wrote a post about how ridiculous and embarrassing it all seems BTW i'm not spamming, just find this topic really interesting. I think what makes a fangirl is the following:
* Creativity - this is what helps us keep the novel or movie character alive in our minds. It explains the plethora of fanfic, fanvids and the ability to imagine we know more about the character than what was presented during the reading/viewing.
* Empathy - the person must have a strong ability to see from another's perspective, this strengthens the intensity of the world in the movie or book, and makes their character traits resonate in our minds and hearts.
15 - barbara barnett
Ragtag--au contraire. I'm so glad you've found my little spot in cyberspace. Agree about Dillane. This happens to me about once a decade or so. Although my husband assures me there seem to be about three or four objects of my esteem.