French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin is Agent Smith from the Matrix movies.
I watched The Matrix: Reloaded opening night, after re-viewing the DVD of the first movie several times. All this got me thinking deep thoughts, as it does for so many people.
Possibly prompted by Scrappleface, I started daydreaming about the war and the diplomatic run-up to war:
Rummy: What is The Matrix? Control. The United Nations today has become a French-generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change a first-world country into this (holds up American Express card).
W: No. I don't believe it. It's not possible!
Rummy: I didn't say it would be easy, Neo. I just said it would be the truth.
That was the moment it hit me: French Foreign Minister and IronyFest2003 prime-time-player Dominique "Wilkins" de Villepin de Sarcelles de Vichy de Cul is Agent Smith. Don't believe me? Consider the evidence:
* The man will not be stopped, no matter how many times he is defeated, discredited, or simply ignored
* No matter where or when we try to do something, he always pops up to obstruct the forces of good
* From a distance, he looks normal, but up close, there's just something off about him, something not really human
* Views what we call "reality" as a giant construct or conspiracy to be manipulated for his master's benefit
* Given the way he pops up in UN member countries with votes involving US initiatives, he seems to be able to clone himself at will
* Human beings are nothing but pawns to be expended in his little power games
* His agenda is diametrically opposed to humanity (OK, Western Civilization, which I hold to be the same thing)
* Both men make a show of being solicitous, but you instinctively feel them just oozing evil
And if you change one or two words in Agent Smith's dialogue from the first film, it sounds suspiciously French:
Have you ever stood and stared at America, Morpheus? Marveled at its beauty. Its genius. Millions of people just living out their lives... oblivious.
I hate America. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.
I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify you Americans. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus.
Americans are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and France is the cure.
Never send a human to do a Frenchman's job.
As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Bush. It seems that you have been living two lives. In one life, you're George W. Bush, chief executive for a respectable first-world country. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... help the U.N. carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in politics, where you go by the hacker alias "W" and are guilty of virtually every outrage of common sense the European Union has a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.
Do you hear that, Mr. Powell? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound... of America's death.
Still don't believe me? Take a look at this picture from one of the closed-door U.N. Security Council sessions last February when Colin Powell met with de Villepin and the other foreign ministers from the Axis of Weasels:
Of course, de Villepin might not be a real-world Agent Smith. Smith did say one line that you would never hear coming from the velvety tongue of France's official spokesman for TotalFinaElf:
We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Post adapted from entry onmy blog; come by and say hey!