With the resignation of Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Donnor, President George W. Bush was faced with the decision of nominating a new justice. His dilemma was solved with the nomination of John Roberts. (Roll footage of John Roberts smiling slight to the right of the camera)
But it didn't stop there. (Abrupt music pause.)
(Footage of Chief Justice William Rehnquist's funeral, somber music follows)
The death of William Rehnquist left another void in America's Hall of Justice. And President Bush will again have to make ...
... the SUPREME DECISION. (Cue graphic of fiery logo) (Cue Van Halen's Right Now)
President Bush will nominate another Supreme Court Justice out of these 11 contestants:
("Whoosh" sound) A lawyer from New York City (56-year-old white man turns to camera with a stern face, arms crossed).
("Whoosh" sound) An appellate judge from Cincinnati Ohio (47-year-old woman turns to camera with a stern face, arms crossed).
("Whoosh" sound) A bartender from San Francisco, California (26-year-old metrosexual man turns to camera with a cocky smile)
("Whoosh" sound) A homemaker from Erie, Pennsylvania (41-year-old woman turns to camera with a plate of oatmeal cookies)
("Whoosh" sound) A police officer from Dallas, Texas (36-year-old black man turns to camera, proudly representing the show's minority quota)
("Whoosh" sound) An aspiring model from Chicago, Illinois (21-year-old blond woman turns to camera, strikes a pose and winks)
("Whoosh" sound) A retired foreman from Phoenix, Arizona (62-year-old man turns to camera with a stern face and a bottle of Jim Beam in his right hand)
("Whoosh" sound) A security guard from Hollywood (camera sees nothing, waits a few seconds, pans downward to find Gary Coleman)
("Whoosh" sound) A truck driver from Evansville, Indiana (45-year-old man turns to camera, hocks a loogie)
("Whoosh" sound) A principal from Denver, Colorado (43-year-old woman turns to camera with a stern face, arms crossed and a sign taped to her back that says "LESBIAN"