As transcribed from my notes as I watched:
We started out watching E! at 7:00:
7:02: Star Jones Reynolds is talking to Laura Linney. I don't like Laura Linney. She reminds me of Helen Hunt, who I don't like either. They're sort of the same person in my mind. And tonight Laura's hair is slicked back in a weird way that makes her look like she just got out of a swimming pool.
7:05: Now Star is talking to Leo D. In college, people used to tell me that I looked like him. They'd call us "twins." Fraternal, of course. This idea was backed up by a sketch a street artist did of me in Rome. Sure enough, I looked liked a female Leonard DiCaprio.
7:11: Hillary Swank has an ugly dress on. I mean, she has a good figure, but what's up with that neckline? It looks like she's in danger of choking.
7:25: Drew Barrymore looks like a prostitute with all that makeup on. She says something about "getting rid of what doesn't work." What, like Tom Green? My husband Scott says she's probably on drugs again.
7:27: A crowd sweep allows me to spot Morgan Freeman.
Me: What the hell is Morgan Freeman wearing around his neck?
Scott: A noose?
7:28:When did Spike Lee become a Shriner?
7:30: A better look at Morgan Freeman makes me think he's wearing a scarf.
7:33: Kathy Griffin's cell phone schtick isn't any kind of funny. It's the kind of thing my friends and I did when we were nine. Christ.
7:36: Renee Zellweger is drunk already! Again!
7:41: If Star uses "Glamazon" one more time. . . I don't know what. But she sucks.
7:53: Is Penelope Cruz getting uglier?
7:54: I change the channel to ABC, just to get away from Star and Kathy.
7:59: Am I supposed to know who this Wynn guy is? Or care about his hotel?
8:00: Bad graphics time.
Alan Alda has very yellow teeth.
Montage time as well.
Oh no! Billy Bush!!!
8:06: Renee is definitely drunk. She refuses to tell Billy Bush which movies she likes.
8:14: I'd pay to see Leo and Orlando in a movie together. Preferably fighting. Or making out.
Someone is starving Kirsten Dunst. . . Kirsten and Christian? Their parents suck.
8:15: Cate=best cheekbones in Hollywood. And she's looking great in a buttercup-colored gown.
8:21: What is this stupid ad of all these women talking about movie stars? An Oil of Olay ad?! Am I really supposed to believe ... God, and it's still going?!