As transcribed from my notes as I watched:
We started out watching E! at 7:00:
7:02: Star Jones Reynolds is talking to Laura Linney. I don't like Laura Linney. She reminds me of Helen Hunt, who I don't like either. They're sort of the same person in my mind. And tonight Laura's hair is slicked back in a weird way that makes her look like she just got out of a swimming pool.
7:05: Now Star is talking to Leo D. In college, people used to tell me that I looked like him. They'd call us "twins." Fraternal, of course. This idea was backed up by a sketch a street artist did of me in Rome. Sure enough, I looked liked a female Leonard DiCaprio.
7:11: Hillary Swank has an ugly dress on. I mean, she has a good figure, but what's up with that neckline? It looks like she's in danger of choking.
7:25: Drew Barrymore looks like a prostitute with all that makeup on. She says something about "getting rid of what doesn't work." What, like Tom Green? My husband Scott says she's probably on drugs again.
7:27: A crowd sweep allows me to spot Morgan Freeman.
Me: What the hell is Morgan Freeman wearing around his neck?Scott: A noose?
7:28:When did Spike Lee become a Shriner?
7:30: A better look at Morgan Freeman makes me think he's wearing a scarf.
7:33: Kathy Griffin's cell phone schtick isn't any kind of funny. It's the kind of thing my friends and I did when we were nine. Christ.
7:36: Renee Zellweger is drunk already! Again!
7:41: If Star uses "Glamazon" one more time. . . I don't know what. But she sucks.
7:53: Is Penelope Cruz getting uglier?
7:54: I change the channel to ABC, just to get away from Star and Kathy.
7:59: Am I supposed to know who this Wynn guy is? Or care about his hotel?
8:00: Bad graphics time.
Alan Alda has very yellow teeth.
Montage time as well.
Oh no! Billy Bush!!!
8:06: Renee is definitely drunk. She refuses to tell Billy Bush which movies she likes.
8:14: I'd pay to see Leo and Orlando in a movie together. Preferably fighting. Or making out.
Someone is starving Kirsten Dunst. . . Kirsten and Christian? Their parents suck.
8:15: Cate=best cheekbones in Hollywood. And she's looking great in a buttercup-colored gown.
8:21: What is this stupid ad of all these women talking about movie stars? An Oil of Olay ad?! Am I really supposed to believe ... God, and it's still going?!
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Article comments
1 - Justene
I tried to watch but I always get lost around the humanitarian awards and the short documentaries. Frankly, on Autism is a worlde was nominated and lost, my brain was all over "how do I get to see that movie" and the rest of the show babrely hit my brain. This is the kinond of post that gets me through.
2 - Silas Kain
Thanks for the recap. After reading it I was reminded of a few things. The starlettes for the most part looked drab in their neutral to black couture. Jamie Foxx carried off his blue-violet tux well. Chris Rock's tux by Sean P. Diddy Puffy Puff Daddy Combs was great. P. Diddy sucked. Beyonce Knowles and the rest of the singers tonight were quite good, but she stole the show.
Morgan Freeman deserved this award. I'm looking forward to his winning the Outstanding Actor Award two years from now when his role as Nelson Mandela is released. Cate Blanchett's portrayal of Kathryn Hepburn shut out the competition while Jamie Foxx did the same in his category. His acceptance speech was heartfelt and humble. Hillary Swank was a disappointment winning another Oscar for the recreation of her role as Brandon Teena in Boys Don't Cry.
All in all the show lacked any excitment, ran too far over time and the new format of presenting some of the awards in the aisles was lame. The sets were simple, direction was marginal. I'll be interested to see the overnight ratings. Thank goodness the show was on ABC because an episode of Desperate Housewives would have stolen the bulk of Oscar's audience.
3 - Eric Olsen
thanks Z, super job: funny, breezy, some great points. But I have both a Kristen and a Christopher: some people just like assonance
4 - Temple Stark
Very nice. Someone without an agenda likes Chris Rock. Shock.
Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mendela? Wow. I see about a film every two years. I'll see that one. It'll be like Ghandi, which an Indian (as in from India) babysitter took us to when it came out in England.
5 - ZMethos
Eric,
I can see having a Kristen and a Christopher--so long as you don't call them both "Kris" or "Chris" or whatever. It's "Kirsten" and "Christian" that's just too close for comfort. In my book, anyway.
6 - Eric Olsen
many are the nicknames and variations, but Kristen is never Kris
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Kirsten translates as "divine muse, forged in god's own tears". So i made up, anyhow.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke -- Been meaning to ask you for a while now:
What would you do/say/act/re-act/worship if (and when?) you met the comely Ms. Dunst?
Please, detail if you would as only you could provide. And please feel free to elevate to a stand-alone post.
9 - Temple Stark
I don't know if we're ready for that. We might lose google again :-)
It's all over his site though
mondoirlando.com
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
eric, i believe i would most likely stutter, say something clumsy, make a joke about wanking, stutter again and run away. that seems to be the way it goes down Duke way when meeting with the lady-types.
or maybe i would tell her that Dick and Bring It On and The Cat's Meow and Spider-man 1&2 and Eternal Sunshine are all masterpieces, and really, Kirsten, it was your involvement that elevated them. Ho bout we ditch this joint and go grab a coffee or similar, and then maybe discuss the work of GG Allin.
Maybe i would complain to her that the cover of Spider-Man 2 isn't her hand, and that i was very much upset, since she has gorgeous hands, far as i can tell.
Also, i would note that Donnie Darko is no good for her, and probably hopes to introduce her to one-eyed rabbit beasts. Do you want that Kirsten? Do you want one eyed rabbit beasts? You do not.
Let's blow this joint, kid. Then i'd lend her my trenchcoat (i'm bound to be wearing a trenchcoat, or at the very least a detective hat) on account of maybe it's raining, or maybe it's very warm and she needs protected from the rays and so on.
11 - Eric Olsen
but Duker, is it HER or is it her acting ability/persona that grabs you by the ear-hairs and shakes you like a Polaroid?
12 - Eric Berlin
Very cool, Duke. I'm sure that Kirsten would find you worthy of her affections (even if she were unable, sadly, to return them).
13 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
well now, certainly initially it was your classic case of the "lust" and so on. now, having studied several dozen chat-show appearances etc, i can see that no, it's on account of Kirsten is just wonderful. and as an actress, she is miles and miles and MILES ahead of your other teen movie types. Fuck you, Love Hewitt, Kirsten would probably say. except she wouldn't, cause that would be beneath her, that kinda chat.
what is going to have to happen, obviously, is that i'm gonna have to pen a screenplay, get myself over to hollywood one afternoon, present it to Kirsten, get home in time for supper, wait for a return phone-call, make my way back over and direct Kirsten in some sort of Bergmanesque opus about a fella has fallen for Kirsten. I tihnk i might acst myself in the lead role. i haven't decided yet. or maybe kirsten could play me playing the character, and vice versa.
Then, when we were walking up to get the award for best film ever, i would say, hey, let's ditch this place. i figure we head down south, ride the rails for a year or two, write songs and poetry and listen to woody guthrie singing about Tom Joad. what you think?
also, the dimples / eyes ensemble is not to be underestimated.
14 - sharonhamilton
The comment about " What's that a "noose" around Morgan Freeman's neck" ? Was NOT funny !! And very racist and inappropriate. You definitely did NOT think before putting this out there on the internet. What a slap in the face ! I hope every one responds to this statement. And it was NOT funny either. As an African American I'm proud of Morgan and I hope he hears of this web-site and your remarks.
15 - Rodney Welch
It was just a joke. Don't blow things out of proportion.
16 - Temple Stark
Some thngs - very few - are said without thinking about the racial implications. Let it go. Sharon.
17 - Natalie Davis
I too was happy to see Morgan Freeman finally win the golden guy. And after scouring the recesses of my brain, I can't see what you found offensive, Ms. Hamilton. He obviously was joking about actors' depression ("what if alan alda or thomas haden church win??? i won't be able to go ooooonnnn..."), not about anything involving melanin. Come on, he had that strange-looking scarf around his neck. Did you take Chris Rock's Jude Law joke seriously too?
18 - Temple Stark
ZMethos,
Launched this on the world - or at least the part of the world that scours Advance.net for the (family-friendly) cream of the BC Web log.
Here's the link. Sorry here.
- Thanks. Temple