Oh My God — They Cast Kenny! You Bastards!

I officially give up. Reality TV wins.

My cold war with the lowest common denominator of prime-time programming may take a quick break, because of — and this is the worst part to admit — the second season of Dancing With The Stars.

Every couple of years reality TV takes on a new shape. First it was “being voted off.” Then it was romance series. Then it was the ambush-style Candid Camera mentality. This year it’s celebrities — using the term liberally — competing in a commonplace skills contest.

One of the celebrity dancers is Kenny Mayne.

God damn it.

It’s those types of casting decisions that sucker in us stubborn viewers — those who are hellbent on staying away from the trashy television that degrades our values, promotes bad behavior and gives the wrong impression to young, confused adolescents: a jerk or a bitch and you’ll be rewarded with all the attention in the world.

Or something like that.

ABC completely killed my groove with getting Kenny Mayne on Dancing with the Stars. Mayne, an ESPN personality known for his time on SportsCenter, can presently be seen doing offbeat field reporting for shows like Sunday NFL Countdown.

One of his most recent pieces was on quarterbacks licking their fingers prior to handling a dirty, muddy ball. The athletes play along great — he was able to get Panthers wideout Steve Smith to wear a surgical face mask as he ranted about Tom Brady spreading germs — and Mayne is hands down my favorite ESPN personality.

I should be torn. Or conflicted. But strangely my mind is made up on watching Dancing With the Stars 2 simply because of Kenny Mayne’s appearance. I don’t like dancing. And I don’t like any of the other “celebrities” (although Jerry Rice will be the token athlete on the floor) — and by “don’t like” I mean “never heard of them.”

Thankfully, that description of “celebrity” is uniform with reality TV’s warped definition.

So you win this round, ABC. I’m going to be reading my new Christopher Moore books and listening to my iPod until Kenny Mayne takes center stage. Then you have my undivided attention.

And when he loses, you lose.

So you win this battle, reality TV. I’ll be watching the debut of Dancing with the Stars 2 Thursday, January 5, at eight o’cl–

Wait.

Thursday?

Ha, that’s my curling league night! ABC loses!

I’m not tied down with the shackles of crappy reality TV!

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!

Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the founder and former editor of Blogcritics Sports. Twitter: @suss2hyphens

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