Here’s the question on everyone’s minds: Is it the fact that there are actual snakes on a plane that entices us so much, or is it that the movie had the balls to actually call itself Snakes on a Plane?
I side with the latter. The title is so simple, so beautiful, so… lazy. That's the real genius of the film; the title is perfect because it’s so incredibly and blatantly lazy. And yet, people love it. It got me thinking, are films titles overthinking themselves? Are titles like A Prairie Home Companion and The Hills Have Eyes too verbose and complex? Would audiences like them better if they were called Boring Country Radio Show and Mutant Cannibals in the Desert, respectively?
It’s entirely possible in a culture that’s bursting at the seams with entertainment (hundreds of cable channels, boatloads of Direct-to-DVD’s movies, thousands of songs, and an overload of video games, cell phone ring tones, and other useless distractions) the best possible way to get your product to the masses is to be as simple as humanly possible.
So in that spirit I tried to deduce what some other film’s would be called if they were as lazy (and brilliant) as Snakes on a Plane. Maybe they don’t prove that simplicity or title exposition is the way to go, but it does prove one thing: Big Momma’s House 2 was a crappy, crappy movie. I think we can all get behind that.
Superman Returns – Dude in a Cape
Crash – A Bunch of Racists in Cars
Leaving Las Vegas – Getting Drunk in Vegas
Ocean’s Eleven – Stealing Stuff in Style
Doom – Video Games at the Movies
Cars – Cars
War of the Worlds – Aliens in New Jersey
Kill Bill – Hot Chicks With Swords
Underworld: Evolution – Hot Vampires in Black Leather
Article comments
1 - Baronius
"Snakes on a Plane" could be one of the most brilliant movies of all time, if its creators had the guts to make a suspenseful disaster/horror airplane movie with NO SNAKES.
"Pulp Fiction" *is* the lazy title for "Pulp Fiction".
"Hot Girl in Drag" and "Loser Nails a Movie Star" would have been more successful.
2 - duane
Apocalypse Now -- Crazy Bald Guy in a Jungle
Close Encounters of the Third Kind -- Mashed Potato Mountain
Fargo -- ummm ... Fargo
Million Dollar Baby -- Chicks Boxing
The Day the Earth Stood Still -- Those Darned Humans
Scarface -- Thugs Using Drugs and Murdering Other Thugs
Blade Runner -- Rutger Hauer Beats the Crap Outta Harrison Ford
The Sixth Sense -- Kid Who Sees Ghosts
The Shining -- Kid Who Sees Ghosts in a Hotel
The Other -- Kid Who Sees His Dead Twin
Michael -- An Angel Who Wants to Score
Independence Day -- A Crappy Movie about Stupid Aliens
War of the Worlds -- A Not-As-Crappy Movie about Stupid Aliens
Titanic -- Rich People Suck
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
Excellent delivery on this. I actually had this idea a few weeks ago but couldn't come close to executing it.
By the way these were my two:
• Poseidon: Water on a Boat
• Da Vinci Code: Jesus on a Painting
4 - Ty
Cars should be called "GIT-R-DONE"
God damn I can't stand rednecks and especially Larry the Cable Guy.
5 - Victor Plenty
Brilliant concept! My entries:
Deliverance: Doomed Dudes in Canoes
Citizen Kane: Rich Dude Dies Alone
Casablanca: Why We Fight
Gone With the Wind: War Irks Hot Chick
Saving Private Ryan: After Much Ado, Attentive Blonde Granddaughters Prove WW2 Veteran's Worthiness
6 - duane
"Irks." Haha. Love it.
7 - IgnatiusReilly
"the acclaimed internet humor site"
acclaimed by who?
8 - Victor Plenty
Acclaimed by those who know what they are talking about.
9 - The Jay
Thank you for the defense, Victor Plenty. By "acclaimed", I mean that the site has won awards for its design and its content. Also, people tell me they like it, so you, they acclaim it, too.
Read through my archives, maybe you'll acclaim it as well.
- The Jay
10 - Victor Plenty
No problem! Besides, the proper form for IgnatiusReilly's question was "acclaimed by whom?" and that sort of thing really irks me.
11 - IgnatiusReilly
Didn't mean to put anyone on the defense. Just responding to your bio. After going to your site and seeing who the "acclaim" was from, I can see why you didn't name them.
12 - Dynamo of Eternia
The Breakfast Club - Whiney Kids in Detention
Uncle Buck - John Candy Makes Big Pancakes
The Wizard - Big Super Mario Brothers 3 Commercial
13 - Neil Miller
I absolutely love how "on purpose" the Snakes on a Plane name is. Fantastic marketing!
Anyway, here are a few added "simple names" for some upcoming flicks:
Nacho Libre: Priest in a Goofy Outfit
Click: Dude with a Remote Control
Waist Deep: Rapper in a Crappy Movie
Pulse: Ghosts with an IP Address
Lady in the Water: Chick in a Swimming Pool
Those are a few that I have to offer. They are dumb, I know. But isn't that the point?
Cheers.
14 - Victor Plenty
Here's more:
Highlander: Dudes Fighting With Swords
Braveheart: Dudes Fighting With Really Big Swords
Troy: Ambiguously Gay Dudes Fighting With Short Swords
The Lord of the Rings: Short, Ambiguously Gay Dudes Fighting With Short, Ambiguously Gay Swords (And Also Some Rings)
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Hot Chicks Fighting With Swords
15 - duane
Some more awful contributions:
Groundhog Day -- Don't You Wish Andie MacDowell Was Your Girlfriend?
Goodfellas -- Pretending That Joe Pesci is a Badass
Schindler's List -- This Guy Named Schindler Makes a List
Sling Blade -- Split Open Heads With French Fried Taters on the Side
My Cousin Vinny -- Don't You Wish Marisa Tomei Was Your Girlfriend?
American Beauty -- Americans are Ugly
16 - duane
Victor's sword theme looks like the winner so far. Damn you, Victor! It's all in the name, I guess.
17 - Matthew T. Sussman
The Jerk: Snails On Her Plate
("You can't even see the food!")
18 - Baronius
The Mummy - The Mummy
The Mummy Returns - The Mummy
The Scorpion King - The Mummy, Without the Mummy
Underworld - Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants
Underworld Evolution - Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants
Van Helsing - The Mummy, Without the Mummy, With Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants
19 - Victor Plenty
Y'know, this article should've been called "Lazy Title on a Movie" so as to benefit from the nearly supernatural humor powers of parallel construction.