Delinquent, ignorant-ass children are a major problem in this day and age, especially if their necks are bright red and their southern drawls long and exaggerated. When they're not skipping school, listening to the lowest form of rap music, or just wallowing in their own sticky bodily fluids, these worthless youths can be found freely humiliating their contemporaries or pissing giddily on the weaker members of their lowly generation. In fact, urine plays a major role in their day-to-day lives, often spilling onto the front of their jeans when things are especially hectic.
If you're wondering why I'm filled with the froth of unchecked bitter rage whenever my thoughts turn to the brain dead antics of today's worthless teenagers, there's a certain car antenna who would love to have a few words with you. That is, of course, if the poor thing was still amongst the living. Mourn the loss of my car antenna, dear readers, for it has truly left us before its time. Amen.
Though we've had our problems with these mouth-breathing suburban bastards on more than one occasion, I can honestly say they've never been quite as nasty as the problem children found in Michael J. Bassett's nifty little slasher pic, Wilderness. These guys are so vile, so impossibly evil and stupid, that it's hard for the common man to feel anything but contempt for the miserable little rascals.
That said, if you can look past the glaring faults of this cast of degenerate characters, you'll be treated to a suspenseful adventure in the gritty grand tradition of those old-fashioned survival horror films from the '70s. Whether or not you hope these guys live or die, of course, depends on the amount of compassion lurking within the tender heart of the prospective viewer.
Since I'm a cold uncaring bastard, I say kill 'em all and let Todd sort 'em out.
The story revolves around a particularly violent group of sadistic meatheads at a filthy, poorly governed juvenile detention center in Europe, though I can't be bothered to remember where, exactly, it's located. When one of the weaker kids decides to slit his wrists after receiving unmerciful bullying at the hands of just about everyone in his dormitory, the delinquent thugs — including a mysterious newcomer named Callum — are shipped off to an uninhabited island for a little tough love. Led by a stern prick named Jed (Sean Pertwee), the boys settle in for a few days of old school hunting and gathering. Because, you know, this sort of things helps the children find themselves and blah blah blah.
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