Movie Review: Transformers

Okay, I know everyone in the world holds a nostalgic fondness for those famous transmogrifying merchandis--I mean, robots known as Transformers. While that may justify another Michael Bay movie in the eyes of the studio, it does not merit kind words when the movie simply reeks of the stench of product placement and silly writing gone amok. Hell, the entire movie is product placement, from the title on down to the main attractions, the CGI robots from outer space.

And while impressive in their presentation, they do nothing to lighten the load that is the corny script or the pathetic excuse for a story. While (good) acting can sometimes cover flaws in a script, here the acting only draws attention to the script's deficiencies, which granted, are almost entirely because the premise is based on... well, a bunch of action figures from the eighties. Are the eighties really worth bringing back in a slick new package with the words "A Michael Bay Film" surrounding the title?

Let's face it, Bay has never been one for subtlety, and Transformers is a study in brashness without justification. The movie is hardly cohesive. The plot centers around the Autobots (the good guys) and the Decepticons (the bad guys) searching for something called the Allspark, a quasi-mystical energy source that derives its power from the Cube, a world-creating device from which the Transformers world sprang. When Megatron, the evil leader of the Decepticons, wrested power for himself, causing the Cybertron planet to be destroyed, the bots were scattered throughout the galaxy. Megatron himself followed the remnants of the Allspark to Earth, where he crash landed in Antarctica, only to be discovered by Captain Witwicky, an explorer, upon whose glasses is writ navigational code leading directly to the Cube.

Fast forward to present day, where Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and his father purchase Sam's first car — a crummy '79 Camaro. The car starts acting like Captain Howdy with a penchant for cheesy '70's love songs, pushing Sam into giving the girl of his dreams, Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox), a ride home where he, being the ultra nerd that he is, (doesn't he own any Transformers action figures?) makes a fool of himself.

Let's face it, this isn't a movie where plot really truly matters. It's enough to note that Sam's car is really Bumblebee, the beloved Autobot sans voice box. Using a Bat Signal to call the other Autobots down to Earth, Bumblebee pulls Sam right into the biggest intergalactic robot battle since C3PO and R2D2 had a domestic dispute.

Article Author: jelewis8

Jeremiah Lewis is the author of Fringe, a blog of dubious worth. He blogs about writing (especially novel writing and screenplays), writes film reviews and critiques, and humorous takes on mundane, everyday life.

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