Now that Bella and Edward are married, they make a pit stop on their way to their honeymoon destination in Rio de Janeiro. Their final destination happens to be a seemingly deserted tropical island chock full of sunshine. Every vampire’s favorite hideaway these days, right? So even though Jacob gave Bella a stern talking to about the dangers of vampire sex, Bella just wants to get it on now that they’re happily married. After a few (literal) headboard breaking, pillow shredding, bruise inducing sex sessions, it’s only after two weeks that Bella realizes she’s missed her period. Or as the critic sitting next to me pointed out, “Of course, she’s late; otherwise, he’d be all over that.”
The new dilemma this time is finally realized as Bella and Edward must come to terms with the pregnancy. How a dead vampire’s sperm still swims, let alone how he gets an erection, is beyond me. Maybe Edward was turned with a hard on and he just hasn’t called a doctor since it’s been way longer than four hours, but I digress. Anyhow, Bella is taken under the wing of the Cullens’ and even Jacob comes to terms with her being one of them now, and everyone must find a way for Bella to have her little bundle of joy, even if it may kill her. I won’t go into spoiler territory, but if you can’t see where this is headed, you just may be the target audience.
There’s been a lot of talk recently about the sex scenes having to be trimmed in order to secure the tween friendly PG-13 rating. However, there’s really just about as much sex in here as anything on TV rated MA. I always thought that was reserved for R-rated deserving programming but apparently so long as you keep the thrusting to a minimum, it’s all good. Yes, the roadrunner effects pop up a few times, but don’t look anywhere near as bad as they did in the first three installments. But props must be given to Condon for his pacing. This is the first Twilight film that didn’t have me checking my watch every five minutes. Seriously, how dead paced are those first three? Sheesh.
Article comments