Every two weeks or so I receive an obnoxious letter from an angry orphan demanding to know why, exactly, I'm such a fan of that snazzy microbudget martial arts epic Dinner With an Assassin. "The Film Fiend!" they cry, their jagged words scribbled across recycled tablet paper with an oversized black crayon. "How in the world can you enjoy something so horrible, so impossibly low budget? We're losing faith in you, Mr. Fiend, and we need all the faith and hope and support and love and tenderness someone like you can spare." Reading these letters usually makes me weep like a premature baby, an act that's usually reserved for toe stubbings and episodes of I Love New York.
Good luck, Tiffany!
Here's a little secret that you may find rather interesting: I don't hold microbudget projects to the same standard as, say, 300 or Fraggle Rock. That's just silly. No, when you watch something like Dinner With an Assassin or Rectuma, you have to take into consideration what the filmmakers had at their disposal. You're not going to accomplish amazing feats of cinematic wizardry if your production is funded by your grandmother's social security checks. It's true!
Anyway, once all is said and done and the DVD spinning in your player comes to an abrupt halt, you have to ask yourself, "Did the filmmakers create this movie to the best of their ability?" If you can climb onto the roof of your double-wide and scream "Yes!" without falling face first onto a grinning lawn gnome, then that particular microbudget opus was a resounding success.
Congratulations!
Though I don't have a double-wide to stand on or a lawn gnome to fall upon, I am quite happy to announce to the entire world that MaT Kister's nifty no-budget horror flick The Grand Horror is quite the classy number. When I read that the film had a budget of around three hundred smackers, I instantly had vivid flashbacks of a pathetic little ditty known as The Shunned. It almost made yours truly turn his back on microbudget horror forever, leaving a dark stain on my cinematic soul that will not come out no matter how many times I wash and repeat. Those who have witnessed this abomination should know exactly what I'm talking about.
Thankfully, The Grand Horror doesn't look or sound like a three-hundred dollar production. That's because Kister and crew have decided to keep everything simple, including the story. Here's the setup: While trying to stay alive during yet another blood-soaked zombie apocalypse, a group of mid-western Caucasian types take refuge inside an old movie theater to avoid becoming some undead douchebag's midnight snack. Unfortunately for all involved, the terror lurking inside this historic landmark may prove to be a bit more fearsome than the shambling morons roaming the streets outside. Mysteriously intriguing? You bet.
Article comments
1 - Iloz Zoc
You sold me on it. I've got to see it now.
Thanks Bob.