The following is a fictitious reenactment of how Saw V came to be. Certain scenes contain brutal violence and bloodshed. Reader discretion is advised.
As screenwriters Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan exit the premier of Saw IV, they begin to converse.
Melton: What a piece of cake! We can keep pumping out violent, intertwining Saw storylines in our sleep!Dunstan: Tell me about it. Our script isn’t solid, coherent, or ground-breaking, but it’s good enough to bring fans back to the ticket booths in October. After all, that’s what really matters, right?
Melton: Hey, it’s always about the money.
The smiling duo approach Melton’s car to venture home; but, just when Melton pulls the keys from his front right pocket, a forceful figure in a pig mask sideswipes both Melton and Dunstan. The pair quickly black out.
Meanwhile (back inside the Saw IV premier theater), production designer of Saw II, III, and IV — David Hackl — remains in the theater lobby, listening to the crowd’s reactions.
Patron #1: Saw IV was the weakest Saw film I’ve seen!Patron #2: Yeah, someone needs to resuscitate this dying franchise — fast!
Realizing that these statements are accurate, Hackl mutters under his breath.
Hackl: I’ve invested a lot into this franchise, and I am part of the reason for the films’ financial and fanatical success!
His fingernails grind into his armrests.
Hackl: It’s time credit is given where credit is due. Whannel, Wong, and Bousman got their chance; now, Saw needs a new leading hand, and I, David Hackl, should be the man for the job!
At that moment, Hackl’s cell phone rings, and the caller ID reads “Lionsgate.” As Hackl reads who the call is coming from, he is pulled into the shadows. He tries to turn around and defend himself, but just as he catches a glimpse of what looked like a swine with long dark hair, his vision goes dark.
[...]
Florescent light shines upon Melton, Dunstan, and Hackl, as they awaken together in a musty room. Regaining consciousness, the three realize that they are in the original Saw bathroom — individually chained to gurneys! More importantly, each person feels something on his stomach. Melton and Dunstan discover that they have been operated on, and have white cords – thirty-six inches in length – protruding from several stitched incisions on their abdomens. At the same time, Hackl discovers a video camera sitting on his lap.
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