Movie Review: Prophecy

Do you know why I'll never venture into the eastern Kentucky woods, pitch a plastic tent, and roast some frozen pre-cooked weenies over an open fire? Mutant animals, my friends. Giant mutant animals. Just when you're snuggling into your expensive sleeping bag for a good night's sleep, they come rampaging through the forest, eating your loved ones and making quite the mess. And if those freakish abominations don't get you, the mercury poisoning will. So whatever you do, stay out of the woods, dear readers. That is, of course, if you want to stay alive. It's your decision, of course.

Instead, why not rent a movie from your favorite local video store and park yourself in front of the television with a nice bowl of hot buttered popcorn? According to scientific research conducted by The American Institute of Rubbery Monsters, you're less likely to be mauled by a carnivorous teddy bear if you hide yourself and your family deep in the heart of suburbia. Seriously! Look it up if you don't believe me.

If you need further proof as to what can happen to a person when they journey out of doors, perhaps a viewing of John Frankenheimer's 1979 monster flick Prophecy is in order. After all, it does feature a number of interesting individuals not unlike yourself wandering through the wilderness with a deformed man-eater nipping at their heels. According to the OPs living in the area, this is a pretty common occurrence. Thanks to a little poisoning from a nearby paper mill, this sizable slice of Maine's wooded frontier is slowly transforming itself into something terrible, something hideous and oh-so hungry. Guess who's lowest on the food chain? That's right: YOUR CHILDREN.

Only Robert Verne, a doctor who specializes in ghetto rat attacks, and his pregnant wife Maggie can put the pieces to this environmental puzzle together before things get any worse. Armed with their unshakable wits and a posse of Native American cliches, these unfortunate human beings will bear witness to the product of greedy and unscrupulous industrialization. Can they stop this genetic nightmare before it spreads to the rest of this great nation? Of course not. Take a quick look around you — they failed miserably. So much for suspense.

Armed with a message, a stick, and a dead horse, Prophecy teaches you that big corporations and rich white people are inherently evil, a truth you're bound to learn sooner or later. In order to stuff this bitter message down the collective throat of the typical American movie-goer, the environmental danger comes in the guise of a hideously deformed mutant bear, a beast so powerful that it can make Armand Assante quake in his impeccable Italian loafers. Which is fine, I suppose, though it does come across more than a little preachy at times. Yes, smoke-puffing paper plants are very bad things. Yes, mutant animals that randomly attack campers are definitely no good. Stop hitting me about the head and neck with your message and get with the graphic violence, okay? Thanks.

Article Author: T. Rigney

T. Rigney was specifically designed for the mass consumption of B-grade cinema from around the world. His roughly translated thoughts and feelings can be found lurking suspiciously at The Film Fiend, Fatally Yours, and Film Threat. …

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