When someone kindly asks you not to bury your childhood pet and/or loved one in the ancient Indian burial ground just over the hill, it might be a wise decision to leave well enough alone. Resurrecting the recently deceased almost always ends in anguish, turmoil, and several buckets of juicy red bloodshed. Even if you think you've got the corpse's best interest in mind, chances are you're only going to piss this person off by dragging them kicking and screaming from the afterlife and forcing them to wander around inside a rotting skin suit. Larry King has been doing reanimated interviews for close to ten years now, and the guy never looks particularly happy about his station in life.
Before you make the questionable choice to awaken your dead lover from his or her eternal slumber in the kingdom of whatever bearded deity happens to be in vogue at the time, perhaps a viewing of Mary Lambert's Pet Sematary Two is in order. Apparently, people didn't pay close enough attention to the message buried deep in the first cinematic outing, forcing Hollywood to take matters into their own mildly capable hands. Besides, Paramount Pictures isn't the type of company to take advantage of a global epidemic just so they can line their pockets with a few quarters and pennies, right?
Am I right?
After losing his mother to a horrifying accident on the set of her latest motion picture, brooding teenage pipsqueak Jeff Matthews (Edward Furlong) moves with his dorky father to the sleepy town of Ludlow to recover from their devastating loss. Our teenage hero soon befriends local fat kid Drew Gilbert (Jared Rushton), forming an almost immediate bond due to their mutual outsider status. Impossibly adorable? Not quite, sicko.
After Drew's abusive stepfather Gus (Clancy Brown) plants a bullet into the hindquarters of his beloved childhood pet, the duo decide to bury the dog in the town's infamous pet sematary, a place where the dead are often brought back to life. Things quickly spiral out of control as the body count steadily increases, culminating in a grisly over-the-top showdown with a handful of resurrected individuals. Some people, it would seem, never learn.
Pet Sematary Two, simply stated, is a retooled, refurbished rehash of the original film, though director Mary Lambert (Urban Legends: Bloody Mary) has bumped up the intensity of the on-screen terror to help drive her point-blank message into the hardest of movie-going heads. With professional celebrity zombies, resurrected puppies caught in hilarious situations on home video, and reanimated journalists clogging the American airwaves these days, we need more like-minded films to effect change within these United States, to educate and inform our clueless nation about the dangers of bringing the dead back to life.
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