I wished I could have allowed myself to not write this review and simply recommend it to people like you would a pizza with habaneros baked under the cheese to an old man with a stomach ulcer. I was literally, albeit slightly, shaken to that swirling need to vomit. I even had that familiar warm pre-vomit saliva coat the back of my tongue for nearly the entire length of the film. Friends of mine know that I’m tough as nails when it comes to both watching and critiquing horror films, but this one officially did me in. It beat me to a swollen pathetic mess.
Writing this review is the only thing that provided me any relief (besides soiling myself), and in this moment – as I write this sentence – my stomach still quakes with tension. Writing this is the only thing that made me feel I could somehow rid myself of the horrid aftershock left after witnessing the closest thing to violent insanity I hope to never encounter outside of my TV screen. Martyrs absolutely destroys, belittles, and transcends every horror film I have ever seen in my life and should be the new rite of passage for anyone trying to put themselves in the most hardcore bracket of horror fans.
Martyrs is available now on DVD and, if you're very lucky, you might find it on Blu-ray somewhere outside of France... maybe.
Article comments
1 - Diane
what kind of grandmother is that? who lets her grandson watch faces of death??
2 - Jesse G. Barnes
Hahaha, she had no idea what it was and neither did I. The cover intrigued me. I brought it home, popped it in, and I'm like, "Uh, what the hell is this?" Morbid curiosity pushed me through a few segments before shutting it off.
Afterward, I immediately took it to my grandmother and said something like, "This isn't what I thought it would be." We took it back and I got something else.
Thanks for the read! Although, I'm not sure if I'd go around recommending Martyrs to everybody. It's made for a very particular audience (incredibly jaded critics like me).