Why did I bother? Why do I ever bother? I keep hoping to the celestial beings that maybe, just maybe one day we might get a good movie out of a video game. Most video games play out better than most movies in my humble opinion. They carry you into the story much more efficaciously than most movies can. But naïve moi keeps hoping that a good one could ever be made into an equally good movie. Then there’s the Rock factor. I love The Rock. He’s a force of nature. He made the WWE viewable with his 20- to sometimes 30-minute stand-up routines in the middle of the ring. His movies have been mostly your average action fare but with him in it, made it all much more entertaining.
We are all doomed. This movie has so much fromage in it, it makes a cheese factory smell like a bed of roses. Is it even funny? Nope. Scary? Nah hah. Action packed? Yeah and not so much. Cool looking monsters? Yeah, well maybe… if it weren’t so dark we might get a good look at them.
The story is so simplistic, but then it’s based on an FPS game, where there’s only one rule, shoot anything that moves. All hell breaks loose on a Mars research lab that looks like borrowed miniatures from Total Recall. The RRTS (I believe is what it was called, but I so don’t care to look it up) is called in to the rescue. Bad goes to worse before you can say "beam me up."
I've been a hardcore fan of FPS (First Person Shooters) since Quake with the killer NIN soundtrack and special sound effects, Quake II and even Quake III Arena and lets not forget the godlike shooter of all shooters, Unreal Tournament. I played hard, founded a clan, helped found a huge league. I’m into it, well was would be a better word. I’m retired from online gaming. So I was kinda hoping Doom the Movie wouldn’t suck but, boy did it ever suck. How bad did it suck? Ever seen the Quantum Singularity Canon that creates a big black hole and sucks all the other players into it giving you mucho fraggs? It sucked more than that.
Article comments
1 - Craig Lyndall
Very well written review but not persuasive enough to keep me from making my own mistake. I, like you, am a FPS fan and need to see this flick for myself.
At least I won't be able to say that you didn't warn me. :-)
I keep telling myself that with more and more bad reviews, my expectation level will go down enough that I can enjoy the movie a whole lot. Well, at least a little.
2 - JELIEL
Ah man go for it. Just wasted money IMHO. I had very bad reviews keeping me from going, but last night I just felt like not going home after work, so I stopped by the theatre for time well wasted and instead just got some time wasted. But it gave me the opportunity to purchase Batman Begins at the local DVD store =)
3 - JELIEL
Is something wrong with the tabling ? My article overshoots the white backgrounded cell?
4 - Craig Lyndall
Fixed it. You had a div tag after the word "GOOD"
5 - JELIEL
Heh, that'll teach me to double check my code. =)
6 - Mary K. Williams
I mostly went because I took my son and a friend, both gamers. I guess they liked it ok -
and heck it was a night out and some stale popcorn for me, but still I must say - it was pretty bad. And I can take bad. I can take tons. When it comes to art, I usually say..'well they could do better than me'. In this case. I'm really not so sure.
but The Rock, well I think he's capable enough. Too bad he had wasn't given anything to work with.
The BFG couldnt save him from this.
7 - JELIEL
Yup and if you can't get out of a jamm with a BFG... you shouldn't play