When I first heard that Kevin Smith was making a film called A Couple of Dicks, I was in. When I heard that Kevin Smith was making a film with Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, I was in. When I heard the title was being changed to Cop Out, I was mildly disappointed but I was still in. When I saw the first trailer and it did not look like a Kevin Smith film, I was in but to a slightly lesser degree. When I saw the red-band trailer and it felt more like a Keven Smith movie, I felt reassured and I was in. When I learned that Kevin Smith did not write the script, I became curious. Now that I have seen the film, I am out and I feel sad.
Supposedly, before Warner Brothers and Kevin Smith got the screenplay out of turnaround it was on the blacklist, meaning it was considered one of the best currently unproduced screenplays in Hollywood. If that is the case, there must not be all that many good scripts out there. This one, written by Robb and Mark Cullen, has a few funny moments but is otherwise devoid of heart, character, and discernible plot. It also feels like it received a bit of a punch-up by Smith, although he has said that kept very close to the original screenplay.
Well, here is the story, such as it is. Jimmy (Willis) and Paul (Morgan) are detectives and have been partners for a long time. They are good at what they do, but they tend to be a little unconventional — think Riggs and Murtagh. Their latest screw-up finds them suspended without pay. This seems like a small setback for these two as Paul worries about potential marital infidelity and Jimmy is worried about paying for his daughter's wedding. It all comes together as the bad guy they are chasing happens to have stolen Jimmy's valuable baseball card that was to be used to pay for the wedding.
I guess that's about it as far as the plot goes. The in between moments are filled with shootouts and plenty of conversations involving bodily functions and fluids. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for shootouts and bodily fluid humor, but there needs to be something more. This movie does not have that something more.
I sat there in the theater with people laughing around me, wondering what they saw that I didn't. I was envious of their experience — what they had is what I wanted. I tend to be on the optimistic side of things when I go to the movies and I really wanted to like this, but I just couldn't. It was devoid of anything interesting and I could not bring myself to care.