Wanna hear something really bizarre? Just the other day, my mother tells me she recently walked on the streets of a town that was once buried beneath Kentucky's very own Lake Cumberland. Since the dam is currently undergoing some much-needed maintenance, the lake has been lowered considerably in order to get things done. In the process, they have unknowingly unearthed a "drowned town" that hasn't seen the light of day in many, many years. A mere twenty-four hours later, Brian Yuzna's 2005 effort Beneath Still Waters, a film about a town buried beneath a man-made lake, arrives on my doorstep. Bizarre? You said it, pal.
Of course, being a most superstitious fellow, I believe this to be the work of the Opening Paragraph Gods. After all, they're the ones responsible for getting my reviews off the ground. You see, once that initial passage has been written and properly edited, my work is nearly complete. All that's left is to toss in a few snarky observations, dress it up with unusual adjectives and colorful text, and then force feed it to the masses. What a wonderful world we live in. Devo knew exactly what they were talking about.
Sadly, my nifty little introduction is probably much more entertaining than this horribly inept Fantastic Factory release. I was under the impression that the film followed the adventures of two young boys who pay a last-minute visit to their abandoned hometown before it is forever lost beneath gallons of fresh water. I had no idea I was in for an extremely stale narrative regarding a dopey occult leader and his quest to destroy the world from beyond the grave. Had I known this beforehand, perhaps I wouldn't have dropped quite as much cash as I did to bring the flick home. That's what I get for blind buying a DVD before properly investigating its credentials. Oh, well.
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