Movie Review: Alive or Dead

There is a certain level of tolerance associated with today’s horror.  If the production provides genuine fright, gore, and scare tactics, while pulling together a coherent plot and believable characters, then it largely succeeds.  If the feature does not supply moments of intrigue and artistic vision, then it arguably fails.

Even between today’s standard and substandard horror films, a thin line exists.  Most motion pictures cloud over the protagonist(s) and antagonist(s) with sheepish torture and unnecessary sexual content.  Most are more worried about containing creative killings rather than developing characters, and many hold body count in a higher regard than plot. 

Alive or Dead is the epitome of this stupid horror stereotype that catches your eye at the video store and then expectedly fails on every level.  It’s boring, corny, and sorry.  Anyone who sits through its running-time leaves unafraid, uninspired, and unappreciative of wasting 83 minutes of their life.  Think of Alive or Dead as a lowest-grade version of The Hills Have Eyes—stripped of any redeeming qualities.  It’s bare-boned, bare-shackled, and just plain bad.

After Maria (Ann Henson) makes an attempt to have phone sex in her car (substituting her phone charger for an “engorged man muscle”), she locates an abandoned school bus with the words “Help Me” scrawled on one of the windows.  Naturally, her tires go flat, her phone battery dies, and her flashlight doesn’t work.  As a result, Maria borrows the fresh batteries from her personal vibrator to get her flashlight to work; then, she exits her car and investigates the scene. 

Once inside the school bus, Maria finds a young woman named Sarah (Angelica May) with a bag over her head.  Next to her are bloodied human corpses and remains.  Suddenly, a man (Thomas Crnkovich) boards the bus – dragging a much larger man (L. Flint Esquerra) on with him – and drives off.  Trapped in the rear of the now moving bus, the two females ride to a hellish castle in the middle of the desert.  There, they fight for their lives and uncover a thing or two.

Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2

Article tags

Spread the word
Bookmark and Share
Profile image for brandon-valentine

Article Author: Brandon Valentine

Brandon Valentine is a film critic from Hershey, PA. Aside from possessing the last name “Valentine” and living in “the Sweetest Place on Earth,” Brandon was also born on Valentine’s Day. That’s right, a Valentine born on Valentine’s Day. …

Visit Brandon Valentine's author pageBrandon Valentine's Blog

Read comments on this article, and add some feedback of your own
  • No image found

Article comments

Add your comment, speak your mind

Personal attacks are NOT allowed.
Please read our comment policy.
Please preview your comment.

fresh comments Most recent comments site-wide

most comments Most comments in 24hrs

top writers Most prolific Blogcritics for April

top commenters Most prolific Commenters in 24 hrs