Hey there, stranger! Gosh, has it been a week already? It seems like only yesterday we were discussing life, liberty and Will Smith's Pursuit of Happyness. In case you haven't heard from the good folks at the Arts and Culture Center for the Hopelessly Mediocre yet, I accidentally slipped into a coma late last Tuesday after returning from a local antique store with a copy of Paul Aaron's wonky Chuck Norris vehicle A Force of One. The tagline printed on the package suggested that the world-famous action movie icon would somehow hear the silence while seeing the darkness, a trick I was more than willing to pay five bucks to experience. What did I get for my wrinkly Lincoln, you ask?
A coma.
I've heard that The Chuck Norris Coma — also known as CNC — preys on those who buy into the pop culture hype surrounding the aged martial arts expert, especially the empty-headed fools who anticipate great things before sitting down with one of the man's countless motion pictures. And as much as it pains me to admit such a thing in a very judgmental public forum, I have to state the truth for the sake of the nation at large: I am one of those empty-headed fools who ignorantly believed he was about to experience something substantial, something life-altering. When my brain came to the sudden realization that nothing of the sort was about to transpire, it immediately called in sick, and I disappeared into an inky black void filled with reruns of Small Wonder. It's a simple case of setting one's expectations too high.
Still hurts, though.
For those who would like to share in my cinematic agony, A Force of One stars Chuck Norris as karate champion Matt Logan, all-around swell guy and adoptive father to a nerdy black kid with a very nappy afro. When he's not busy helping small children learn the secret arts of the Orient or training for his upcoming title bout, our bushy blonde hero is helping the local police department with their ninja problems. I've seen this kind of thing happen in Lexington at least once a week, so I can easily sympathize with their plight. Damn ninjas.
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