Metropolis (1927) - Page 3

Dr. Rotwang takes the kidnapped Maria to laboratory and puts her into the “Fifth Element” Reconstuctor Tube that is hooked to one of those Keuno Reeves bubble machines from “Chain Reaction” and turns the robot into winking, chickenheadbobbing Maria version of Jimmy Hoffa. Later Freder discovers the Maria Unionbot with Daddy and has a stroke. Freder is laid up with his heart pounding like a rabbit’s while daddy takes the Unionbot to the Club for some pre-revolution partying with the well-dressed Yuppies. The robot Maria dons her pasties and does a hoochie coochie dance and drives the Yuppies into masturbatory fevers in one of the most hilarious scenes I have ever witnessed. The drooling, gawking and shaking are worth buying the movie for. This movie ought to qualify for two Academy Awards because of the overacting.

Josaphat finds Freder and they go below to find Maria and discover the robot is whipping the workers into a frenzy. When Freder tells them it isn’t Maria they attack him, but Josaphat and worker 11811 defend him. Worker 11811 gets shanked and in a touching gay death scene, he dies having remained faithful after all.

The Doc has different plans; he programmed the Unionbot to go full-commie revolution that inspires the workers to destroy Metropolis’s Heart Machine. The workers, the dumbass economists that they are, are unaware that the Heart Machine also controls the Universal Studios Flood Simulator that sits atop the worker’s village. The one guy that controls that machine, a scab foreman fails to stop the mob and the Heart Machine explodes without the scab turning a dial every 0.2 seconds to keep the Big Thermometer with scary music soundtrack from rising past the scary music crescendo mark. The bite-the-hand-that-feeds-you mob is whooping it up unaware that the wretched waifs at home are dialing the Coast Guard.

Freder and Josaphat are frantically searching for the real Maria who has since escaped and gone to rescue the worker’s spawn. Maria reaches the central square where the town gong is located to warn the filthy wretches of the flood. Freder and Maria are reunited and proceed to get the flooded rat children above ground. The scab foreman informs the workers that they have just drown their children and they go on a rampage looking for Maria in the Cathedral Square. Finding her they give chase and Maria runs into the crowd of revelers at Yoshiwari that are partying with the robot Maria. They manage to find the robot Maria and burn her at the stake where upon she transforms back into a metallic robot. While this is going on Dr. Rotwang finds Maria while looking for his robot love Hel that is now Chestnutting on an open fire. From down in the Square Freder spots Dr Rotwang and Maria struggling atop the Cathedral. Freder races to rescue Maria gets in a girly fight with the evil Doctor eventually tossing him off the roof.

Continued on the next page Page 1Page 2 — Page 3 — Page 4

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