There’s just a creepy self-control thing going on here – like a bulimic who eats and pukes – these are girls with giant blue vibrators tucked away in their Pier I night-tables, passing up the real thing just because it may not last forever. Just because they may get hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, which is all possible or even probable, since 50% of marriages end in divorce, but you never know which it would be if you don’t get out there and live it.
Listen: I hate that in my life I have been really hurt when I trusted a guy; that I was passed over by my great love for some Talbots-wearing-academic-bore. That it seemed unfair that I was the pretty girl and she was some grey-haired Boomer who was older than I; that got my heart broken because for a moment, she seemed more placating and sympathetic; I hate that the whole thing left me bitter and shrill and bereft and listening to way too much Alanis Morissette, who I now admire for having the courage to practically scream exactly what I was feeling at that time, word for word. She may our Carole King and god bless her for having the chutzpah to scream all the awful things we’ve all felt – or any of us who have lived a little.
But for as much as I hate that I went through that, what I really hate is all the time I wasted dissecting our lives in a vain attempt to sort out what she had that I didn’t. All that was a waste. But I’m still glad it happened, because it forced me to grow up and drop this ridiculous school-girl fantasy that there’s only one great love in life; I’m glad that, because it wounded me so deeply, I had to re-build by ego and self-esteem and take stock and because of that, I know myself – my virtues and foibles - a lot better than before; I learned that there are women with no scruples, just as there are men; and I learned that I do not need a man to love me in order to love myself. That I am lovable just all by myself.
These wound and rigid and searching girls make me sad because, of all their supposed of aloofness and icy cool, they are so dependent on men and what men think. That this quest for a husband tells me that they don’t feel that their lives have meaning without one. And I know that even when they find The One, that even with all of their precautions and pre-screening and guarantees and vows that people will still fall in and out of love and that everybody has a hungry heart and the heart is restless and seeking and you can be Grace Kelly-perfect and some of you will still be cheated on, passed over for some really average woman just because she is Other and people are curious and crave variety. And should you have any doubt, read up, for the statistics support this.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
Whoa, that's something Sadi, thanks and welcome! Never has gardening sounded so appealing.
2 - Chris Kent
----these are girls with giant blue vibrators tucked away in their Pier I night-tables----
Sadi, I did not want to know this!!!!
Nice work, and interesting to see things in your perspective - though you use the word "fuck" more than Tony Montana!....;-)
3 - sadi
apologies for language, and i think you're right ... i hadn't realized it was so full of bad language. i promise to be better next time!
thanks all for reading... hope you found it interesting... very gratifying to know it's being read...
of course, it's just my opinion... and grateful for all feedback.
sadi
4 - sadi
ahhh...i see the typos and i am so sorry. so now with the language and the typos, i hope i haven't totally lost anyone... though maybe for other reasons. I will be more careful in the future. thx. to all for reading... and please keep posting comments if the spirit moves you. i plan to write every week... so now Onward to next topic !~ Thx for being such a receptive audience; your comments mean everything.
sadi
5 - Eric Olsen
S, if there are typos (I fixed a couple) please fell free to go back in and edit. I reedit my own posts all the time. That's why they are perfect.
6 - Ant
Sade
I thought your colorful use of language was totally refreshing (you write in the way I talk)- and suited the topic perfectly!
I really enjoyed the article and your style. Bravo!
7 - sadi
awww, shucks. glad to hear it, Anthony! Working on other stuff, so you'll have to check that out too... if the spirit moves ya. ;)
keep cool
sade
8 - Erica
Sadie, just because you've had a few bad experiences in life doesn't mean true love doesn't exist..and NO I do not believe "the virginal bride" is a "silly charade." Love is hard though no doubt.
9 - Eric Olsen
"true love" requires as much or more work than false love
10 - Shark
Sadi sez: "...I feel most beautiful when I am alone in my garden, wearing that slightly see-through slip that I love and my Doc Marten gardening boots and no underwear and no make up and my high-lights have grown out and I’m covered in freckles and my breasts are loose in my shift and I feel full and ripe and full of life and that the world is mine for the taking."
Whoa.
Sadi, coupla things:
* got jpgs?
* Universal Law #33: ALL men are either gay or insensitive pricks; there are no exceptions.
* ie. You shoulda been a lesbian; women are great!
* "Masturbation: Sex with someone I love!" -- Woody Allen
* I've never been one to define myself relative to others' expectations, but man, thanks to age and wisdom, all that crap means even less. God rewards the patient survivors with enlightenment coupled with flaccidity.
* got jpgs?
11 - sadi
hey Shark: excellent points all, and jpegs exist, but alas not for sharing.... ;)
the older i get, the more i wonder about this "true love" business. Yes, Eric is right; if it does exist (my issue), then it requires as much or more love than false love, no question. But i wonder how we define true love anyhow? One may know what is true for onesself, but what of the other and how they feel? How do you know whether or not their love is true?
Yes, without a doubt, i should have been and almost was a lesbian, and odd you mention since i was just saying this to my friend P. today, who was agreeing with me. I was deeply in love with a woman who is a lesbian many years ago, and we were and are good and dear friends but things did not progress for myriad reasons - too complicated to get into here, and i think though, to the point, much to the regret of both of us likely. It's too bad. Things would have been totally different for me and for her too, no doubt. Life would be nothing like what it is today.
Shark says All men are either gay or insensitive pricks, which i hate to believe, but experience is showing me that this may have more truth than initially believed and i do not WANT to believe that, so am happy to be proven wrong at any time. Please... show me that this is NOT the case.
That's all i have to say. Shark, my dear friend, i would send you jpegs, but we're not that close, are we, so how can i do that? sorry sweets...
love to all,
sade