The notion of putting off the Right Now Guy and the long hunt for Mr. Right means a lost opportunity for experience of what could have been a great conversation, a drunken evening rolling on the lawn in the park, or meeting a new friend, or laughing at an old film and cuddling on the couch, or just a soppy night of athletic love-making that will be a great memory when you are old and grey and doing the ironing or the dishes; the sweet memory of a boy who made you howl with laughter and explored every curve and you were young and alive and beautiful. Who knows: maybe he’d even wind up being the guy you do marry. But you’ll never know, because intense and immediate assessment of “husband material” is enough to turn even the best guys away, because no one wants to be reduced to a mental checklist to see if they qualify as what is essentially a prop in someone else’s fantasy.
It’s simple: I think the origins of what I call fettered woman syndrome began as good and healthy desire of women to want control over their own destinies and lives, to have the same rights as men, to be separate and recognized and vindicated, and for a time, we were. Women were getting jobs that were previously held by men, finally speaking their minds, dropping the silly charade of the virginal and pure bride and the idea that only men can enjoy sex. We were working and talking and marching and fucking in and out of wedlock, and had casual sex if we felt like it without any of the pointless guilt and shame that we had been told we should feel. We shook off our chains. It was like we finally admitted that all that thrusting and grinding and sucking didn’t make us any less lady-like. It made us human.
I’m not advocating irresponsible sex or “zipless fucks” or something you truly don’t want to do; what I question is all this effort that goes into making yourself desirable and then shutting the door on desire because you’re waiting for Prince Charming. I don’t think great love can be assessed in two dates, or that just because a guy is a carpenter and not a lawyer, that this should immediately cross him off the list. The carpenter just might be the guy who treats you better, who’ll be there for you; I don’t know, but the point is that by being so rigid, you miss out on a lot of opportunity.