Movies like ‘She Hate Me’ pander to the ultimate male fantasies of a single man making eighteen lesbians have heart-pounding orgasms, and in the end getting to play house with two sultry lesbians. While the movie was funny it did raise my hackles. (It had other themes of course, not relevant to this discussion)
Men in general, think that being a lesbian is a hot thing, watching two women grinding their pelvic bones with strap-ons to be erotic or thrusting their clits against each other would lead to heaving climax.
Serials like ‘The L Word’ also encourage these false perceptions. In the last scene of one of the episodes in Season 1, a cat fight leads to clothes-ripping hot sex. Ah! Here was another male fantasy being played out and the icing on the cake would have been a mud fight.
The scene couldn’t be further than the truth. What I hadn’t mentioned is the reason for the fight which involved the discovery of infidelity. No one whether straight or a gay would have sex with a cheating spouse on the very night of discovery. The more typical reaction would be to throw the wayward partner out of the house and spend lots of tear drenched bad hair days before any kind of contact would be made.
This scene was more a pitch to male fantasies than a true lover’s tiff. While trying to make the scene passionate, the script-writers make the sizzling hot lesbian throw her hysterical lover on the bed, rip her dress and while kissing her all over, make her cum hard and fast. Phew! That scene would make even a ninety year old man feel his meat but for me, a heterosexual woman, it did nothing and I can only guess that it wouldn’t do anything for a lesbian either, at least objectively.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Aaman
Hot lesbians are still my fantasy, though;)
2 - Steve S
Interesting commentary, I won't dispute any of it but just point out two things:
1) Most lesbians I know prefer gay male porn.
2) Are there people out there who will ravish their partner the first chance they get, upon the discovery of infidelity? Probably not many, but yes.
There are people who grow up in households where sex is not discussed, certainly not gay sex, and the dynamics of relationships are explained in a way that does not necessarily apply to the youth. They get their info on what constitutes a relationship from other, often distorted sources. So for some, sex can become the only way they know how to express themselves emotionally.
I knew somebody who did that on the night he found out his partner was unfaithful, although I think in that case it was more of a dominance thing, with the passion born from desperation.
3 - Eric Olsen
over the course of the last 30 years or so it has gradually dawned on me (I'm slow, I know) that "hot lesbian action" is supposed to be hot, as in sexaully arousing for me. This could not be much farther from the truth (and this is not directed at anyone in particular - it appears to be a VERY common reaction in straight males): what in the name of Lesbos would I find arousing in the inherent masochism of drooling over women who clearly wouldn't give a rat's digit about me? The entire concept just boggles my mind with its self-abnegation: why would I want to add MORE frustration to my life? Of course I'm not a fan of ANY kind of porn anyway, but another topic.
4 - Aaman
I think it's a kind of hope in the males that they will be invited to step in to fulfil what they see as an unmet need. Very capitalist
5 - Eric Olsen
oh, and all of this would apply to watching a show called The L Word, which is in reality a male fantasy paageant: I'd rather -- um, I don't know -- sort socks or something.
6 - Aaman
I think all the males commenting in this post have pretty much proved swingingpuss' point - except for Steve, perhaps
7 - Eric Olsen
I freely admit it: I don't really know what lesbians do, don't care what they do, don't want to know what they do. It's none of my business, doesn't apply to me, and vice versa.
8 - swingingpuss
Thanks for the insight Steve.We humans are a complex lot whatever be our sexuality and you're right one really can't be sure what one's reaction would be until faced with the situation.
Another thing I wanted to talk about but left out in my post was the popularity gay manga enjoys amongst straight women in Japan. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
And Eric I call the L-word the tits soap opera.
thanks for reading
9 - Aaman
tits soap opera: Maria Callas soaping herself while singing an aria
10 - swingingpuss
Aaman, I thought you had a thing for Angelina Jolie ;-) Now there's a woman who could do wonders with Dove.
11 - andy marsh
I think it's the...hey...those 2 would make a nice Andy sandwich thought that gets me...but...that is just me!
12 - swingingpuss
The never ending saga of male fantasies.
13 - Eric Berlin
I lived in Berkeley and the SF Bay for five years and had a lesbian roommate for part of that time. In that time, I saw very little indication that lesbians could be drawn back to the hetero "team" by the right man, or that lesbian couples were prone to hot sex after revelations of infidelity were made.
I think, in television and film, it comes down to the writing. For example, with Six Feet Under, I found just about the most touching and real exploration of gay male relationships that I had ever seen (this, of course, from my not-gay perspective).
Eric O. -- I'm a little surprised at your down-the-line disinterest in learning about people other than yourself. Does that mean you're only interested in stories about straight white guys from Ohio? I don't mean to be dismissive here, but I'm wondering what the difference is between a "gay story" and any other story if it's a good story.
Or do you just mean, in regular daily life, you run kind of a don't ask-don't tell policy?
14 - Eric Olsen
I was referring to sexually - stories are great, people are great, I hate when people and their stories are defined by their sexuality. I am interested in people, but not necessarily their sex lives
15 - Eric Berlin
Yeah, I see what you're saying. I do think that sexuality can be effective as part of good storytelling, but this is often not the case.
16 - Justine Jones
I think you're jumping the gun a little. How can you claim to know anything about "lesbians" as a category of people?
I'm a lesbian, and I found this site while searching for lesbian pornagraphy. Some of us like it just as hot, dirty, and degrading as the men would like us to be.
That doesn't mean I show off for men, but my point is that I was a little put off by your blanket judgement, especially since, as a hetero woman, you wouldn't know any more about us than a man would. I think "The L Word" is a fine reflection of the glamorous, sex filled life I *wish* I led.
-Justine
17 - Dave Nalle
With Eric O, I also don't find 'hot lesbian action' stimulating - but at the same time I also don't find it offensive the way I find a lot of other porn. There's something almost sterile about Lesbian sex. With the man taken out it seems more abstract, less real and perhaps less threatening. That may be why a lot of males find it appealing - they're scared of the real thing.
Dave
18 - godoggo
I for one feel truly blessed to live on the same planet as the two sided dildo.
19 - Tristan
Being a male: it's always perplexed me how many males have that old : two girls - one guy fantasy.
What's astounding to me is that when most males have a hard (no pun intended!) enough time trying to slow down and "satisfy" ONE woman----why is their "fantasy" to have TWO women..???
All I can deduce is that most must be masochists.....subconsciously striving for that which will totally embarass and humiliate them.....
and did someone say Angelina Jolie .....??? Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmiiiiiiii !!!
( MY fantasy ~~!!!)
20 - Margaret Romao Toigo
Tristan wrote: "What's astounding to me is that when most males have a hard (no pun intended!) enough time trying to slow down and "satisfy" ONE woman----why is their "fantasy" to have TWO women..???"
The idea that the man is supposed to be trying to satisfy the women is only one aspect of such fantasies as some men do not have such a democratic attitude with regard to womens' role in sexual encounters.
There are still men out there who believe that women do not enjoy sex as much as men. They believe that sex is a form of pleasure that women give to them for either the validation of their feminine desirability or to curry favor in the age-old endeavor of seeking material gain (or both). Such men are not masochists, they're anachronisms.
So, perhaps some of the men who have this sort of fantasy dream about how two women will give them double the pleasure, not how challenging it might be to attempt to satisfy two women.
21 - Natalie Davis
Yes, they are anachronistic -- and arrogant to boot. Lesbian sex has nothing to do with men, period. That's the point these particular guys -- and it's not all men, natch -- can't get through their thick skulls. Any woman-loving-woman hoping to arouse men is bisexual (which is just as valid as being gay or het; one is what one is, and that's wonderful) or is just plain cruel (which sucks).
I find pornography disgusting in general, but male-oriented lesbian porn is particularly offensive to me for exactly the reasons the author of this post raises.
22 - Rodney Welch
I'm with Eric O. on the decided non-appeal of lesbian sex.
Eric B. raises an interesting point: "I don't mean to be dismissive here, but I'm wondering what the difference is between a `gay story' and any other story if it's a good story."
I've never seen The L Word, but I often ask myself Eric's very question, especially when I'm sitting through a Pedro Almodovar film, as I did this past weekend with Bad Education.
I spent two hours glancing nervously at my watch and guiltily hoping the ending would arrive any minute. It wasn't a bad movie, but it was just too damned gay and way too trannie.
Of course, at the same time, this is what other people like about Almodovar: he's unflinching where sex is concerned, and makes no concession to any tastes but his own.
But while it's easy enough to pretend general sympathy for a storyteller's aims, if I'm being honest I have to confess my own disgust sometimes gets in the way.
23 - Margaret Romao Toigo
The underlying suggestion in most of the porn aimed at a predominantly heterosexual male audience is that the women in the "girl-girl" scenes are bisexual (or "try-sexual" meaning that they will try anything) and just killing time playing around with one another while waiting for the man/men to show up in the next scene. It's all very formulaic -- and boring.
I responded to Tristan's question because I found his curiosity about why a man would want to endeavor to satisfy two women when pleasing one is challenging enough to be an interesting example of a realtively new attittude with regard to womens' roles in sexual encounters.
Unlike those anachonistic and arrogant men who believe that women exist mainly to service them (both sexually and domestically), Tristan seemed more concerend about how he would be able to effectively pleasure the two women rather than fantasizing about how the two women would add to his own enjoyment.
Tristan's curiosity about how he would please the women -- as opposed to how the women would please him -- is a sign of progress in men's attitudes about womens' sexual role because it might not even have occurred to him that some of the men who fantasize about having two women do not care if the women are satisfied or not.
Such enlightenment has been a long time in coming (pun intended).
24 - Aaman
I (still) can't get no satisfaction:)
25 - Natalie Davis
"It's all very formulaic -- and boring." And terrbily insulting too.
And, yes, it should be noted that Tristan's view, however creepy some may find it, is preferable to the usually heard self-serving motive.