But Bendricks is a jealous man, and a great deal of this book, like almost any of Green's books, is about God and religion and faith and belief and jealousy… and all of these emotion s will be played out by each character in turn. The only seemingly well-adjusted character is our husband Henry who, for as boring as we may think him, has accepted that life has limitations; that some things just don't work out. In so many ways, life is easier for him because of this and harder for Sarah and Bendricks.
Bendricks is a man who lacks faith utterly - not only in himself, but also in Sarah's love, in any kind of God, in pretty much anything. He believes Sarah will leave him, he is jealous of "her shoes" her "feet" even her stockings because later, later after they have made love for the nth time in scenes that are almost too well done and to me, anyway, quite believable (maybe I have a soft-porn love life or mind but they certainly remind me of real sex in the same way that Betty Blue was real to me; fucking is fucking and making love can be both - both films successfully portray this, I think). No matter how much Sarah reassures him, Bendricks believes she will leave and in the end, he is right.
First, she leaves because of a bomb blast that occurs when they are making love, and briefly here, thinking he is dead, Sarah gets down on her knees and prays to a God in whom her belief is shaky at best. By some miracle, Bendricks lives and awakens from the bomb blast to find Sarah kneeling at the side of the bed (in a shot that I think is brave for Moore because it shows her ass fully and her womanly curves which in this anorexic day and age would, absurdly, be considered "too fat" by the Jennifer Aniston crowd). But Bendricks is saved and now Sarah, who lacked faith, has made a promise to her new God = that if Bendricks lives, then she will give him up for good and return to Henry as a "good wife." Bendricks is left, bewildered, when Sarah quickly dresses, shocked by her own prayer's efficacy, and leaves him in his blown out apartment. It will be years before they see each other again, and only then, will Bendricks find out the truth through the employ of a private detective.
Article comments
1 - D. B. Cooper
Nice work on an exceptional film. I have always heard that Graham Greene's novel was biographical and based on an actual affair of his - embellished, of course, for the printed page.
Hollywood has covered such affairs fairly well, with Falling In Love coming to mind. In that film, the protagonists' (terrifically played by Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep) affair eventually destroys their marriages. I have always found the ending to be far too Hollywood and happy, as such affairs almost always end sadly. I believe many of us are haunted by similar occurrences.
The greatest film ever made about such affairs was the brilliant Brief Encounter, a British production directed by David Lean in 1945. It does not have the sordid intensity of End of the Affair, but for me that makes the film even more effective. I am moved to tears every time I watch it. I suppose it is telling that the film was one of Orson Welles' favorite of all time.
Anyway, for an interesting contrast, watch Brief Encounter and End of the Affair back-to-back for a unique idea of just how little we've changed over the years.
2 - sadi
dear DB:
thx. for your comments and recommendation; yes, i will seek out Brief Encounter.
What you say is true; affairs never end happily, even if the lovers wind up together and there is a real love there, the problem is always that someone is bound to get hurt. sadly, this is never seen in the beginning because we have a remarkable ability (or some do) of lying to themselves and justifying. In truth, there may indeed be valid reasons for wanting some other - that is okay, but in such cases, the way to handle it is to end that relationship and then move on - in short, NOT have an affair as an extension to fill some ego or other need.
I think it is possible to love two people in different ways, but i also strongly feel that in life one has to choose if one wants monogamy or to reach any true and real depths with one person. To do that, you need to really let yourself go and recognize that nobody is perfect (duh) and no one person can fill all of your needs. The best we can do is come as close as possible and find that person and love them, flaws and all, for they will love us, flaws and all. The rest, the parts that are missing, should be NON sexual - and those can be filled by friends.
That said, if you are in a relationship that is utterly lacking in passion or that passion is being diverted by your partner to some other (they are having an affair, say), then i think if you are Christian and married before God, it is valid to say that THAT PERSON broke the marriage contract. At that point, a priest once told me that you would be within your rights to have an affair or seek some tenderness elsewhere. Not out of spite, not out of vengeance, but because everyone, or most of us anyway, need that tenderness in our lives and should not be denied that by our partner. If a partner denies you that and especially if s/he is off cheating, then i think all bets are off.
Ideally, you end the relationship and move on. That said, if you find tenderness elsewhere, i think it can be valid to accept that in a non-sordid way, if that makes sense. There are ways of getting that that are not sordid or adulterous.
If i had my way, we would all be truly committed to the person we chose and would be adult enough to realize that nobody can be everything to one person. that perhaps monogamy is not natural, but we choose it for emotional reasons and because we do not wish to harm or hurt or devastate someone we truly love. love does not devastate. it's that simple.
I think if you are really in love, then most of the time those other "temptations" are rarely seen because you're not open to them, you're not looking. IF you are open to them, if you see them and they appeal or call to you, then perhaps you are not satisfied with yourself or your partner and need to move on. In any event, it merits some serious self-examination.
So, after all of that (whew! and sorry...), you and i are in agreement. Some others do not agree and i've read "The Myth of Monogamy" and i see their point but it's all well and fine in theory, but in real life, someone will be devastated -- that's just the way it is, unless you are in a marriage that has a kind of agreement - an exchange, as i've seen in europe = the rich husband treats his wife well, respects her, but has a mistress, but at the end o fhte day, it's still the wife he respects and she who calls the shots. If that works for you, then hey... who am i to say no. Do what you will. It's not quite right for me though.
I've been through this in life, and i can tell you, it sucks any way you cut it and is one of the most painful things one can ever experience. IF you like check out my first book, "Eels" by Sadi Ranson on Amazon; it's all about an affair, from the giddy beginning to the near suicidal end. There are plenty of reviews of it on the web if you google my name too -- but if you like this sort of thing, check it out. Also, Elizabeth Smartt "By Grand Central Station I sat Down and Wept" (which my book was compared to as well, so the two might be interesting to read/review side by side perhaps).
I've gone on too long, as per usual. Many thanks for your recommendation; i'll certainly check it out. and all best to you,
sade
3 - D.B. Cooper
sade,
I think even if two people are happily married, there always arrives a moment when sparks fly or there is chemistry outside of the marriage. It's frightening to think of, and with the conventions of society weighing us down in certain directions, such moments can be a battle. The choices we make is telling as to who we are as a person. One does not have to be involved in a dysfunctional relationship. One simply needs to be human. Perhaps the beauty of life is that such encounters do take place, and the misery is that such encounters must eventually end.
Such encounters inevitably happen and we ask ourselves "why?" And we never forget. Edith Wharton's The Age of Innocence is an excellent examination of such love, which is eventually forbidden due to the conventions of society, in this case late 19th century New York. For whatever reason we must eventually walk away, and we are haunted. Such ghosts eventually define us, and the great tragedy is these ghosts never involve sex or lust. It is as simple as a look or the touch of a hand. I am alive during these moments, most absolutely alive when the pain of loss is at its most intense.
I suppose an entire bookshelf (or video shelf) can be filled with works dealing with such affairs, the beauty and the pain wrapped in one tender package. When we have our last thought on this earth, do we think of the children and the family, or the moment of loss?
I have a pair of gloves, purchased on the final day of such an affair. It was cold and snowing, and we walked together, our airplanes leaving that day in opposite directions. We both purchased gloves because of the cold. Her last words to me were "No regrets." I still put on those gloves, as I stare out the window on overcast days. The great irony is that during those moments of longing and loss, I am never more alive and never more thankful.
4 - sadi
my dear DB:
How odd: a pair of gloves. That is exactly how the affair ends, so to speak, or the last day of it, in my book "Eels", with a gift he has given her of a pair of gloves that she angrily leaves on a coffee table out of hurt, anger, sense of betrayal, etc, because he can "no longer continue the affair." That is just spooky; maybe there is something intimate about cloves, the way lipstick or something like it is such an intimate gift bcause any gift that touches your skin is a gift befitting a lover.
Yes, no regrets is right. In theory, it all makes giddy, wonderful sense and i want to tell you that i think this is all okay and that gosh, don't i condone it. The truth is, nobody needs or should want or care about my opinion in this rgard anyway; i do not condemn those who choose to have an affair (having been there) and nor do i condemn those who choose NOT to have an affair (having been on the receiving end, which is just brutal).
As i've said, i think that someone usually , maybe not always, but often, gets hurt, and not just a little bit. But this is not the only reason not to fall to sweet temptation. The problem with that is that the energy that goes into the affair is then sucked out of the primary relationship.
Oh, i hear you say, "but... there is not a limited amount of energy in the world..." but in truth, there is. A partner who has spent the day being witty and charming or even fucking their lover is less likely to come home and see you as the beautiful creature that you surely are. Their focus is elsewhere. And while it's very democratic to say s/he has her virtues and you have yours, it doens't work that way. Love wants one to CHOOSE. And love is greedy.
All that said, i remember moments that i would not trade for all the riches in the world because although it was not "right" for my morality, it felt so right in every other way because i knew that it was love - and knowing that, i felt little remorse. The remorse came when i saw the hurt on the face of someone else i loved, albeit in a different way. IN some ways, we spend our days chasing each other around in a giant circle. You love x, x loves y, y loves z, z loves a, and so on -- like "LOVE STINKS", and that's often the way it is. When it is truly returned between two people and equally, it is very often during an affair and perhaps the reason that love is so sustainalbe is that most affairs are short-lived, and in being short-lived and being taken out of the real world of domestic bliss and drama, they seem by contrast far more romantic. In a way, they are never put to the test of what it would mean to really live iwth each other in any meaningful way or real way and deal with the dirty laundry, or the fact that she waxes her moustache, her farts when he pees, etc etc - you get the idea. But all those details that married people or long term couples know about each other, they are not the intimacies shared by lovers (generally speaking). A lover sees you on your best behavior, and so again, i say, the relationship is never "tested" in the real world. They don't get to meet the mother in law, the evil sisters, etc etc. - so what is there to fight about. AS long as your'e boht willing to sneak off an dmeet, then all is well with the world and by contrast, the poor partner who likely knows and suspects and each night,even questions, and gets upset, looks like a right ogre. But how else can s/he feel? Their heart is being daily broken - wouldn't you be an ogre too? I would... i've been there, and i can tell you, i damn well was. I was awful and teary and snooty and crying and devastated and mess of a girl who needed serious help because my life was crashing down around me.
It would be better if we are to accept the reality of affairs, that yes, okay, then monogamy is a myth, that we started raising our children WITHOUT the expectation of ONE true love. That our services stopped saying "FORSAKING ALL OHTERS" and we stopped making these absurd promises to each other about "only you etc etc" because, let's face it, nobody is holding a gun to our head to make us say such things, yet we feel we have to --- that's just social training, but if it isn't working, as you seem to be saying, and im not even disagreeing here, but if it's truly not working, then it's time we gave up the ghost and presented it to our children the way it really is; it surely would save a great deal of heartache.
Want my view (you know you're going to get it anyway, alas...); i think affairs are so attractive because we have NOT condoned them. Because we keep them secret and they are "verboten." and as long as they remain verboten, they will happen because we're still little kids reaching for the book on the top shelf that we wre told "not to touch."
The minute you give someone "permission" to have an affair - as a spouse, i mean. You say, I"m okay with this, so go... do what you need to do. Then they stop wanting it.
That is a child's game.
So are affair's driven by real lust, or are they driven by an infantile need to act out against our spouse or partner who has become a parent stand in? or a need to rebell against society? is monogamy really not normal?
obviously, i think the answers to these are grey, and this will be the subject of my next blog -- and i'm sure you've thought of them too, but i hear a real romantic tone in your voice, but it wavers. You had said, i thought, anyway, that affairs do not end well, or something to that effect. Now you're saying they can and one did and no regrets. Was it both, which is legit? /but i got a bit confused by your last comment in contrast to the others.
We can also talk offline about this as this is a good conversatino if you want to keep it going -- sadir_p@hotmail.com.
Or, you can check out more of my (many) articles on adultery here on blogcritics or by visiting www.tantmieux.squarespace.com.
It's always a tough issue; i'm glad to have a thoughtful person to debate and chat with and lord knows, we could continue here, but alas, perhaps we should take it elsewhere. Up to you, unless eric has something to say (like Buggar off, already!! lol)
be in touch, and thanks again; i'm going to look up all of your recommendations.
all very best again, bien sur.
sadi
5 - aacool
Umm, a reviewer needs to be clear, if nothing else. Great review, if more of the book than the film.
Also, it is worth considering Graham Greene's own affairs and flirtations with what he saw as damnation - four long-term affairs, I believe.
6 - aacool
It is interesting that the first commentator mentions David Lean & Brief Encounter - he married a relative of mine, after what one might call a brief encounter of his own, and then left her too - I met him as a child when he came to India to shoot "A Passage to India" and remember him as a kind, caring gentleman. I might blog my memories of him sometime
Of course, as a teenager, Lean’s father left his mother for another woman, all but abandoning him and younger brother, Edward. And so it goes
7 - sadi
dear cool - you're a love for reading all of this. interesting about your family and what you've said about the "brief encounters" they do tend to run in families - i guess some grow up repeating what they see, though not all; certainly we had a fair amnount of that in my own family and it's not quite right for me, but i can't judge others on this only to say that there will be hurt - or often there is.
it's always an interesting topic and for me to see other's reactions to it... i haven't yet seen Brief Encounter but do plan too.
You should definitely blog your memories; they would be most interesting, just based on the little you reveal here. i'd be fascinated and would link from my own site, of course wiht your okay, to your memoirs as they would fit.
Likewise, feel free to link to mine if you like as it deals with a lot of these issues at
www.tantmieux.squarespace.com.
thx. for your comments for sharing part of your personal history with us. i feel less alone (!) since i'm often interweaving the critical with the personal, as a way of accessing it better and making it perhaps more relevant or more relatable. I may not succeed always, but that is the goal. I think your memoirs would be most interesting.
where in India by the way? My grandfather lived there for a long time....
all best to you,
sadi