The Slightly-Elongated Version: After all those slumber party and sorority house bloodbaths, dorms that drip blood, and even bikini girls getting iced, one gets a hankerin’ to see some hunkier learners get axed. It not only presents us with the thought of more coeds to schmooze, but also presents us with a fictional fantasy of life without douchebags that refer to each other as women’s lingerie. The story here involves some poor lad whose reception to college is a car crash at the hands of a drunk driver — to wit his brother is put into a coma. To make matters worse, there’s a demented frat leader who has really brutal ideas in his head when it comes to initiating the newbies (and we’re not talking about eating goldfish, either). A refreshingly-different indie horror flick that just might find its way to cult status someday.
· Devolved (2010) (Severin Films)
The Short Version: The story of California’s educational system.
The Slightly-Elongated Version: Imagine if Lord of the Flies were to take place in modern times and portrayed by addlebrained California high school students and you just about have the premise of Devolved. After a boating accident leaves an entire senior class washed up and marooned on a remote island. As the unpopular kids (e.g. the brains and nerds) start strategizing how to get back home, they soon wind up on the bad side of the preppy lads and lasses who realize they have a perpetual Spring Break on their hands — one wherein they do not have to conform to any rules placed on them by adults. OK, so it’s not really a horror film (nor is it a college thriller), but this dark comedy still has its share of horrifying moments. California high school kids left to fend for themselves? Oh, the chills! Also available on Blu-ray.
· Brotherhood (2010) (Phase 4 Films)
The Short Version: Ten points if you just started singing a Tom Lehrer song.
The Slightly-Elongated Version: Returning to the topic of initiations. While I have never understood the need to do something outrageously stupid or dangerous in order to be accepted by others (I’ll do something outrageously stupid of dangerous for money, however), I can understand that some people simply need some recognition in life. In Brotherhood, we witness a college prank gone horribly wrong — a rite of passage into a fraternity that results in a wounded weekend warrior and a hostage. Heaven forbid these genii actually admit they did something stupid and fess up to their lack of common sense. Sure, it’s more of a drama/thriller, but any movie featuring a frat or sorority house is scary to me. Watch King Frat or The House Bunny if you don’t believe me.