American Idol gave me exactly what I deserved. I railed against them for bringing in mentors that today’s viewers (and the Idols) could not relate to. So what do the Idol producers do? They give me Gwen Stefani Week, and not surprisingly ('cause my karma is for “S” — I could be Earl’s stand-in, truly), the show was decidedly awful.
The palette of songs to choose from is probably the culprit here. Seacrest claimed the Idols were singing either No Doubt songs, songs from the '90s, or songs that inspired Gwen. O… kay. So you brought Gwen on to rope the moderns but don’t require the Idols to only sing No Doubt or Gwen-solo songs? Why bother then? I wanna hear Haley try to gam her way through “Spiderwebs”. Or LaKisha bring it big on “Ex-Boyfriend”. “New” would have been a perfect choice for beat boxer Blake. And I would have paid green cash money to hear Sanjaya sing “Just A Girl”, even with the hair-saster.
The show had no rhyme, reason, or rhythm. Songs came from out of nowhere, and the performances reflected that lack of connection. I never got a sense that the songs really mattered this week, which is surprising considering Idol shilled out for a hit-making superduperstar to mentor them in the ways of pop success.
And on the Gwen Stefani tip, she was cute as hell, but seemed to be in way over her head. Her tips to the Idols were limited to “watch out for the melody” (Lulu was better at this), she rarely had a good word to say (other than for Melinda, natch), and she’s a terrible actress, because it was beyond obvious when she hated someone (Chris Sligh).
Furthermore, how can someone so successful be so “deer in the headlights” just because she’s pulling studio time with Sanjaya? Is he that detrimental to the health of modern music? Should Gavin Rossdale put on his machinehead and destroy the kid? Can we get Sanjaya a time machine to 1996 so he can wander into Orange County and kill the evil ska trend before it gets invasive and nearly deafens a nation of grunge recovery victims?