Fans of General Hospital’s Spinelli, brilliantly portrayed by Bradford Anderson, are buzzing… to be precise, they are whooo-hoooing, awwwing, squeeing, eeeeeing, high-fiving, belly-bumping, and regularly threatening naked street-dancing at the prospect of Spinelli and his lovely Maximista’s first sexual encounter.
Now, amid the unbridled excitement, arise lingering questions — inquiring minds and Spinelli fans want to know. Will Tuesday, July 15, be the day Spinelli loses his virginity? A deceptively straightforward question, one might think. Not so fast, this is a soap — nothing is ever simple.
With so much controversy swirling around whether Spinelli will lose his “V-Chip,” the public relations-minded Vixenella thought it prudent to get out in front of this debate and issue a statement for the record:
PRESS RELEASE: FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION
From: Spin’s Vixenella, Resident Expert on All Things Spinelli
Re: Spinelli’s Virginity (Revisited)
Regarding allegations Spinelli lost his virginity last summer on the General Hospital spin-off, Night Shift shown only on SoapNet: the alleged incident is a figment which did not occur in Operating Room 4 (OR4). The so-called sexcapade did not take place when homicidal, psycho-nurse Jolene did not seduce Spin and did not relieve him of his virginity in order to deflect attention from her murderous ways and derail Spinelli’s investigation of same.
Any and all digital representations of this alleged sexual encounter set to music on YouTube lack credibility and reflect sophisticated computer-assisted digital manipulation to re-write history for propaganda purposes. If we continue to fall prey to such obvious media exploitation, the terrorists win.
While some may call The Vixenella’s position denial, she maintains it is selective virginal recall. So, any malicious rumors about Spin losing his virginity on Night Shift can be wholly and completely ignored as the vile rubbish it is. Tuesday, July 15 can be relished, savored, and enjoyed as our little Spinelli’s first sexual experience. Spin is as pure as the driven snow... and Miss Maxie, an experienced driver, will be steering the snow plow.
The Vixenella firmly stands by her blanket denial of the alleged Night Shift incident. She denounces, renounces, and threatens to pounce on anyone who says otherwise. In conclusion, to borrow a phrase from a former president, Spinelli "did not have sex with THAT woman!"