I know I'm in the the minority who thought the first Lara Croft movie was a lot of fun; and, now I know I'm in the minority who think the new one is a big snooze. (The wildly uneven Salon critic, Andrew O'Hehir, disagrees with me; although, I must admit I can't be bothered to actually read his review.) After the much ballyhooed and endless glide off the skyscraper my date turned to me and said: "Is it over?" Not because he was ready to leave but because the sequence lasted so long that you just knew it had to mean something. Turns out all it really meant was an opportunity for Joel Siegel to gush ("People actually FLY!"). But alas the ride, if you can call it that, wasn't over.
Unlike the first Tomb Raider, whose bungee and motorcycle fights I found clever and elegantly choreographed, and whose final Captain Nemo-esque set looked great, I can't honestly think of a single memorable shot or cool sequence in this one. And all the stunts are either monochromatic or clunky. Oh, wait. The night shot across the harbor in Shanghai, that was nice; but, it was a static shot.
From the incredibly irrelevant, unconvincing, stupidly directed EARTHQUAKE! opening, to Jolie's mind-numbing delivery of plot exposition to the anti-climactic non-opening of Pandora's Box I kept being reminded of nothing so much as Batman. And I don't mean the movies; I mean the series.
Those cheesy sets! Those cheesy set-ups! Lady Lara punches a computer-rendered shark and the shark screams! Lady Lara jumps on the neon dragon and rides it, slowly, toward the helicopter. That was supposed to be exciting? Your average episode of Xena was about a billion times more exciting and fun. And Ms Lawless had both better comic timing and fewer "turkey's done" slinky outfits.
Article comments
1 - Herbert
You've stopped posting. We need your acerbic criticism of these films/books. They do provide insight that could guide others who are interested in these media in the right direction.
I miss those posts.
Herbert a.k.a. Tails
2 - Phillip Winn
It is true, he's not been around lately. Very sad. But he did post a few more after this one, up until near the end of August.
3 - Eric Olsen
they come they go, sunrise sunset, swiftly flow the years