While you may be thinking, “What an appropriate ending for two hack writers,” you might also wonder “What the hell was that all about? Was that just violence and gore for the sake of violence and gore?” That’s what I wondered after watching The Horror Vault 3 (the second thought, not the first, although…). I know that there are people who are big fans of this stuff; I actually had the pleasure of appearing in a movie with an actor who was also the director of this very kind of bloody entertainment. I still don’t get it.
“A Christmas Haunting” tells the story of a man separated from his wife and family who stays alone in a cabin on Christmas. (He’s not such a bad actor, but the person he calls on the phone is. This entry in the anthology is distinguished by having both the best and worst actors in the entire film.) The cabin is haunted—sort-of—by three topless women who apparently were slashed and then left out in the snow to die by a cult leader who had butchered his entire cult. Its highlight is some really awful CGI.
A fellow goes to work one day and finds his work place has been turned into “Zombie Office.” This short makes Office of the Dead look like the Citizen Kane of zombie flicks. There’s a new boss; she seems to be a dominatrix in a shiny black vinyl minidress and thigh-high boots. Her wide tie is a nice afterthought. The boss tells the fellow that she has turned everyone into zombies chained to their desks (typical office atmosphere), and her goal is to turn this guy into one as well. This is the humor piece in the anthology, although I didn’t find it particularly amusing. One question: since she’s not a zombie herself, how did she turn the staff into a building full of the undead? I guess she hired a voodoo consultant to handle that detail.