Where would we be without sex, high school high jinks, bare boobs, flatulence, and late night slaughter? Short a few thousand slasher films. Add “big” names, like Jennifer Tilley and Judd Nelson, to the mix and you’ve got The Caretaker.
A group of high school boys rent a limo for the homecoming dance but take their dates to a deserted house in the middle of an orchard. The group’s alpha male arranges for a friend to provide scary sound effects. The friend drags along his girlfriend (they have the best two lines in the film: she says, “These are the biggest oranges I’ve ever seen.” “They’re grapefruit, babe.”), and—oops—even before the party arrives they’re dead.
The teenagers are stereotypical, but what do we expect? The boys all want to get drunk and lucky; neither happens. If you can’t figure out who the good girl is, look for the only one whose dress didn’t come from Frederick’s of Hollywood. As for the teacher chaperoning the dance… I’m pretty sure she’s a hooker on the side. She’s also the dumbest teacher in all moviedom.
The limo driver is a creepy guy with a shrunken head hanging from his rearview mirror, but he gets the kids to their destination; the youngest girl is afraid and stays behind in the limo and waits with him. Once in the house, one of the boys tells an urban legend about the former inhabitants. The story goes on and on. When it’s over, they find a body. The kids have been hearing strange sounds and are convinced “Adam,” the former resident who went bonkers, is going to kill them. Well, they are not entirely wrong. As you would expect, Adam is on the prowl. Or, at least, somebody dressed up as Adam with a thirst for gore.
There is blood in The Caretaker, but surprisingly little of that gore. When we first meet the teenagers, we know they are going to be picked off and (because they are so obnoxious) are disappointed it takes so long for Adam to start. Once he does, he makes quick work of most of the cast without making us gag. The boy who first suggests they stay together is also the first one to walk off on his own, and then to send someone into the house alone. If characters in these movies didn’t contradict themselves and go where no one else is dumb enough to go, the films would run longer than 90 minutes, and none of us want that.
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