I could not believe my eyes. "What the ... is that a man on a bicycle?" I asked Steve Brown, UPS delivery associate and inter-dimensional adventurer.
He looked to where I was pointing to in the kaleidoscopic swirl of the 8th Dimension void. "Oh, him, that's Duke De Mondo. He spends alot of time here."
"I see. That explains much," I said, nodding my head.
"Yeah, I think that guy Olsen lives out this way, too. Well, we have some time to kill," said Steve Brown, jumping up from the driver's seat. "I've got the truck on auto-pilot. Anyone care for a Hot Toddy or Juniper Juice Surprise? My specialty, you know."
He pressed a small blue button and a fully stocked bar suddenly appeared.
"I say," I said, "these UPS hybrid trucks are wonderfully appurtenanced. I'll take a Hot Toddy, if you don't mind."
"Juniper Juice for me, please," said Glenor, in that annoyingly coyish high-pitched voice of hers. "What's the surprise?" she giggled with goo-goo eyes beaming squarely on our burly UPS driver.
"That's a surprise," he winked. "I love that pink sweater you're wearing. Is that cotton?" he asked.
"Angora," she giggled again.
"It really fits you like a glove," he said.
I really needed that Hot Toddy now. "What else do you have aboard this UPS truck," I asked, hoping to change the current path of conversation.
"Press that green button," directed Steve Brown, while juggling the glasses for Glenor's amusement. She is so easily amused.
I pressed it. A large plasma TV appeared out of nowhere, and a shelf of DVDs popped open. I rubbed my hands together with glee, then ran them lovingly across the numerous movie titles. No wait ... could it be? Yes! A copy of Killer Klowns From Outer Space!
"Excellent choice," said Steve Brown. "I'll put on the Jiffy Pop."
Not quite sure what the Chiodo Brothers were thinking when they pitched this idea for a movie, but it does have its charm. How can you not like a story about aliens that happen to look like bizarro clowns, who decide to stop for a quick nosh while shooting around the galaxy. Of course, this being a horror kind of movie, that quick nosh involves turning just about everyone in the small town of Crescent Cove into a jumbo-sized cotton candy treat with a nice gooey center that can be sucked up through a crazy straw.
"Considering the low budget for the film, the art direction and production design is fairly imaginative," said Steve Brown.
"Yes," I agreed. "If only the acting were a bit more top-notch."