Written by El Puerquito Magnifico
After nearly two decades of speculation and worry, the summer of 2008 brought the highly unnecessary fourth installment in the Indiana Jones franchise, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. All parties involved promised us that their involvement was contingent on just the right script. That sounded promising, but I should remind you that after three Vacation movies, key players Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo stated that they wouldn’t return for a fourth film unless the script was “just right.” Have you seen Vegas Vacation? ‘Nuff said.
I expected to reenter the world of Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones with a mixture of anticipation and dread. What I actually walked into the theater with was an attitude a bit closer to “who cares?” As the characters in the Family Circus comic strip says, “Not me!” – I couldn’t care less. I’d already been burned by three Star Wars prequels and had long since come to terms with the so-called raping of my most beloved childhood memories. I had also come to realize that no matter what was behind this film, whether it be money or a mid-life crisis, it ultimately didn’t matter. It was, after all, just a movie and no matter how bad it was my memories and my childhood were still intact and still pure.
Though countless die-hards will undoubtedly disagree with me, I’m happy to say that with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, no childhoods were raped. Not mine, at least. Now, this movie didn’t exactly take my childhood out for a fancy dinner and dancing and whisper sweet nothings into its ear under the moonlight. This movie did not have the decency to call my childhood after the obligatory three-day wait, nor did it even bother to make breakfast for my childhood in the morning. But nothing that happened between my childhood and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull that wasn’t agreed to by both parties. However, my childhood will probably not be calling Indy back for another date. It was decent; I’ll even go so far as to say that it was pretty good. But it wasn’t that good.
Article comments
1 - Max
Hey I saw that episode of South Park too! I love getting my article ideas from other sources!
2 - Mat Brewster
Great review. For me in Raiders they took the old serials, paid homage to them, then elevated it and made it great.
With Crystal Skull they took the old 50s b-movies, paid homage to them, and made another b-movie. They didn't make the film any better than what they were paying homage too. I hated the movie, even if it didn't "rape" my childhood.