Crank is nothing short of obnoxious. Written and directed by two first-timers, the film is a non-stop action sequence that is at times impossible to watch. The comedic tone adds a small sliver of entertainment value while the rest of the film dies off into sloppy editing hell.

Led by Jason Statham in the starring role as Chev, Crank takes less than six minutes (including credits) to start moving at its rapid-fire pacing. The set up requires a monumental amount of stupidity on the part of lead villain Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo) as he injects Chev with a Chinese poison. The only way to prevent death from the toxin is to keep his adrenaline levels ridiculously high. Killing him outright would obviously make too much sense.

Once you've accepted that this is a brain-dead popcorn movie, you can settle in and expect some wild action. This is where Crank falls apart. The circumstances of the action scenes are more entertaining than the sequences themselves. Statham stealing a motorcycle and evading cops delivers only mild thrills. The fact he's in a hospital gown with the back open revealing, well, everything is the only innovative aspect.

Gunfights are generic, and the set-ups provide little reason to keep watching. Some excessive gore keeps the tongue-in-cheek feel lively, as does a wicked sense of dry humor. Statham's adventure takes him to some blatant product placement before the rather dull action takes hold.

The paper-thin story only directly follows two characters, Chev and Verona. Amy Smart plays Eve, Chev's girlfriend. Her entire role seems to have one single purpose: a wild sex scene in the middle of Chinatown. There's no emotional impact when the inevitable ending brings the film to a close as Eve is a naïve girl and the script doesn't have room for much beyond action.

All of this is compounded by nauseating direction. The camera doesn't stay still for more than three seconds. It moves upside down, twists, rotates, shakes, and angles itself at every opportunity. Following what's happening isn't important. Editing the miserable direction at an impossible pace so that even an ADD patient has trouble keeping up is the key apparently.

There's very little Crank does right that hasn't been done before. Statham is at home in these roles, just not in this movie. In fact, no one is right for this movie. If you're sense of humor leans towards a darker edge, you'll find yourself laughing occasionally. Aside from that, there's nothing here to recommend.

Article Author: Matt Paprocki

Matt Paprocki is a 12-year movie and game critic. He currently freelances for Blu-ray review site DoBlu.com and video game site MultiPlayerGames.com.

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