This brings me to the dodgeball "action." I thought Matt Damon was bad in The Legend of Bagger Vance at the portrayed sport when I saw his dying duck of a golf swing. Move over mister Vance. Every single throw, dive, catch and dodge looked fake. Vince Vaughn threw as well as my grandmother with her opposite hand. Stiller was so busy making goofy faces in his poorly conceived character to let the audience suspend disbelief for even a second and think he was actually playing this sport. Not only were these throws horrendous, but then when Kate Veatch, the character played by Stiller's wife Christine Taylor, threw the ball underhand, people went flying? I don't think so. She has never played dodgeball and it was painfully obvious.
Last but not least, we have the kicker. The other things were bad, and I could have overlooked them all if it hadn't been for this last fact. Two teams started from two gyms and not only just began playing in a matter of days, but made it to the final match at the tournament? This is an insult to dodgeball playing people everywhere. Many have sacrificed over the years to get the sport to where it is today. Many a fat, uncoordinated student in gym class has paid the ultimate price so champions could shine and achieve their potential in the sport of attack and flee. And to take a bunch of upstart losers and make them not only competitive, but capable of getting to the final match? Just too much to take.
So at the end of the day, we are left with what? I have a list for you. Top Gun, Backdraft, The Mighty Ducks, and finally, Over the Top. All either great inspirational movies or great sports movies. (Over the Top was both.) These were the molds which I expected to be filled by a movie with the secondary title of "A True Underdog Story." That isn't what I got.
Maybe next time, they will give David Hasselhoff the substantial role he deserves.
Oh, and by the way, don't bother to stay to the very very end of the credits because that little surprise sucked too.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Lono
dude,
I am gravely concerned for you. First off, it was a Ben Stiller movie... which means it is stupid satire. I like Ben Stiller, but would NEVER pay $10 a person to see his movies. Everything Ben Stiller does screams 'renter' to me... meaning I'll wait 3 months until it comes out on Netflix.
As for Vince Vaughn... I have never seen him not be hilarious and over the top. But, if you expected a moving tale/ documentary about Dodgeball, then you are the one they are making fun of the whole time.
2 - Bob A. Booey
I think a movie that doesn't take itself seriously is automatically disqualified from the "worst movie ever" title. There are plenty of horrible, shlocky dramas and grandiose; self-indulgent would-be epics to claim that title; so much horrible, manipulative sentimental Hollywood sap. And then there are mind-numbing assaults on the human spirit like Pearl Harbor that insult your intelligence and dignity at every moment.
A possible exception to this rule is the "satire" of police comedies known as Double Trouble -- look it up. I saw it really late on TV the other night and it had two really bad meat-head, bodybuilder twins (David and Peter Paul, I think?) who were tough cops. Worst movie I've ever seen. Worst acting, but it was entertaining because it was so bad and so 80s cliched. Classic.
I haven't seen Dodgeball, but I'm sure it's not that bad.
3 - Craig Lyndall
Were the David Hasselhoff compliments too subtle?
I wanted it to do for dodgeball what Top Gun did for pilots?
4 - Chris Kent
I'm sorry, but the worst film ever is Armageddon. Without a doubt, without even a moment's breath, that it is worst film in history. I needed therapy for several months after sitting through that vile piece of shit. A close second would be Timeline.
Any post that references Over the Top must be swimming in the realms of satire....
5 - Craig Lyndall
Thanks Chris. I thought the Over the Top reference was hilarious. I guess sometimes I write to crack myself up.
6 - Joe
I thought the reference to the Cobra Kai dojo was inspired, too.
7 - Tom Johnson
I guess I must be the only one who picked up that Craig's review was done in a mock-serious tone.
And Chris, I'll gladly join you in stating that Armageddon is the worst film of all time. I don't care if the film makers claim they were purposely making it "over the top," it was horrible, painful, excruciating cinema.
Say what you want about Over The Top, but you have to agree with me when I say it was, without a doubt, the greatest film about both arm-wrestling and truck-driving ever made.
8 - Mark Saleski
oh, i picked up on the tone alright...but i'm still in shock that anybody paid real money to see this thing.
9 - Tom Johnson
I'll agree with you there, Mark. I've just had enough with Stiller's characters - they've all melded into one charicature for me with only slight variations between. I know, I know, this one plays dodgeball, but they all seem like the same schtick anymore. Yawn.
10 - Mark Saleski
it's such a mystery...what makes us laugh.
adam sandler also recycles the 'adam sander character'...but it still makes me laugh. and of course i've got no idea why, it just does.
11 - Craig Lyndall
A mystery it is... writing this article I was laughing hysterically... apparently I was about the only one... present company excluded.
12 - Jim Carruthers
Craig, the Hanson brothers want to have a little discussion about sports movies with you, just down that alley. Go along, it's okay.
13 - mike
dear craig, this is the funniest movie i have ever seen, and you are the most pathetic person ever. i laughed hysterically at your lame review you whiny baby.
14 - oliver
dear craig, you have a vagina
15 - tom cruise
the top gun thing was my favorite as long as "craig has a vagina" lines go
16 - craig's wife
my husband has a vagina which makes him not see movies well threrefore he cannot interpret them i am deeply sorry for craigs vagina
17 - craig's doctor
this is your doctor craig jsut informing you that your vagina checkup will be on august 18th at 12 o'clock
thank you
18 - Craig
Bitch i told you not to use the internet....this computer is only for writing lame reviews and masturbating...
p.s. thank you for the reminder doc
19 - Craig Lyndall
Are you sure you got the jokes in the movie? This review was also a joke. Thanks for stopping in. I said that Over the Top was a great movie. I said I wanted dodgeball to do for me what Top Gun did for pilots. Get your head out of your stupid ass. And I had my vagina checkup last week.
20 - RJ Elliott
Uh oh!
Craig's all hopped-up on goofballs tonight! :]
21 - shawn jones
You clearly have no sense of humor or imagination! You saw previews for the movie, and if it looked so bad then why did you go and see it? I my self enjoyed the movie to it's fullest and will buy it the day it comes out. Get a life pal and when you do, maybe you appriciate a good laugh when you see one!!!
22 - Craig Lyndall
Sarcasm. It wasn't the best, but it was sarcasm. Dodgeball was a riot.
23 - NAYR
you wanna see a REAL bad movie...rent Diamondbacks.
I went to see dodgeball and i thought it was funny. Im buying the dvd as soon as it comes out. it wasnt supposed to be serious its a comedy.
24 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heheheh craig, that was just about as subtle a piss take as a fella could scribble. kudos, good sir. I have a feeling you find Dodgeball as agreeable as The Duke did, although i don't think it's a quotable as Zoolander.
Good stuff.
25 - bob
NO YOU ARE ALL WRONG....THE WORST MOVIE EVER WAS 'THE MILLION DOLLAR HOTEL' ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!