Dear Craig,
Even you couldn't keep a straight face tonight. I mean, playing a vacuum cleaner like a didgeridoo? What other talk show host has done that?
No reading of email from me tonight. I swear, I'm going to start flooding your inbox with a million questions if you don't start paying attention to me. Night after night, I sit here, toiling away at my love letters to you and I get nothing. Nada. Nil. Zip. Zilch. Zed. Zero. I'm starting to think you don't really love me as much as you claim. Sure, I heard you say that in a dream, but that doesn't make the claim any less valid.
Speaking of dreams, in your monologue tonight, you spoke about Jung, Freud, and Dr. Phil. Obviously, we're on the same track here. We're connected, you and I. I sense that. (Please, don't discourage my fantasy. It's healthy. Really, it is. Dr. Phil said so.)
Jung's dreams of giant penises underground are common. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I won't say that I dream of giant penises often, but there have been occasions. Usually on Mondays-Fridays following your show. I don't mean that I think of you as a giant penis, it's more that...never mind. It's probably best we not walk down this slippery slope just yet.
Dreams are a powerful thing, though. You said your dreams have sometimes been like Bosch paintings. I can dig it. Big time. Who hasn't had that wonder-filled vision with wormy undertones? Like "The Garden of Earthly Delights", things look like such fun from a distance. Upon closer inspection, you see the destruction and ugliness that lies below. Perhaps it's because we can never truly believe that anything is perfect, that there's something wrong underneath it all. It's human nature to doubt. That's my take, anyway.
Toni Collette was the first guest. She's currently starring in In Her Shoes with Cameron Diaz. You have a friend in common, Olivia Williams. Toni knew her from The Sixth Sense, you, dear Craig, know her from working with her in Born Romantic. On the subject of romance, Toni said that she knew her husband David was "The One" quite soon after they met. You said you always thought you knew you'd met the right one before you got married but found out a couple years later that they weren't. Common mistake for many people. Hell, I thought my ex was "The One" - I'd known him for ten years before we decided to take the plunge. You just never know until you try.
Article comments
1 - Neal
Craig's monologue on Friday was one of the most unique and intelligent I've ever seen on late night TV.
His Bosch-type dreams were a product of drinking and "snuff".
Strange that both he and Letterman are alcoholics.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
I've tried. I just can't understand his appeal.
3 - Bob A. Booey
Alcoholics? Huh? We better find you a lawyer, Neal.
I seriously doubt Craig had anything to say about Jung and Freud other than dropping their names to make fun of Dr. Phil.
I don't get his show either, but the ratings are up over smirky Kilborn (albeit a gain among older viewers).
That is all.
4 - Heather
Friday's monologue was the best yet! That's why I like Craig so much, he offers us some intelligence and 'realness' in late night tv instead of sophomoric humor.
And was it just me or did he use the ASL sign for 'yes' in the monologue - I wonder if he signs.
Even when I think he can't surprise me anymore - he does.
5 - Joanie
Neal, he did a great job with the monologue - and the audience was much more "present" than they had been the night before.
Matt, sorry, dude. The show is so much better than it had been with Kilborn. Gone are the glib "look at me" preening sessions that we had with Kilborn. Ferguson brings warmth and humility to the show. While it does bear his name, he understands the show is as much about his guests as it is anything else. That's rare.
BAB, no need for lawyers. Both have admitted their addictions. As for the monologue, it was much deeper, and much funnier than you could ever imagine.
Heather, welcome aboard! I was excited to see your comments. I know you're a big fan. Feel free to correct me any time.
6 - Cerulean
Letterman? He was an alchoholic? What?
7 - Bob A. Booey
It doesn't sound like he ever admitted to alcoholism, but that he used to like to drink.
Here's a 1984 Playboy interview:
"PLAYBOY: You've mentioned beer at least half a dozen times already. We assume there's a reason for that.
LETTERMAN: In college, my friends and I pretty much structured our week around obtaining beer for the weekend. We loved almost every aspect of drinking beer, particularly the fact that we could, physically, get away with it. One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-A.M. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that. I drank a lot of beer over an almost 20-year period--and I loved it. But now I've quit. No alcohol, no drugs, no coffee.
PLAYBOY: Were you heavily into drugs?
LETTERMAN: Only grass. I went through one period when I smoked a surprising, a really breath-taking, amount of grass almost every night.
PLAYBOY: When was that?
LETTERMAN: During the failed morning show, and it was only about a two-month period. I just got to the point where I'd be stoned and I'd wish I wasn't. So I quit. Since then, I've used marijuana very sporadically, hardly at all.
PLAYBOY: So pot was self-limiting for you, but beer wasn't.
LETTERMAN: That's right. I remember being surprised when I got out of college that the real world was unlike the fraternity house in one very important way: The people I was working with weren't drinking as much beer as I was. So I'd find the two or three guys who still were and they would be my friends. And we had plenty of fun being young adults loose on the town. We'd just go out every night after work and drink.
PLAYBOY: How much did you drink?
LETTERMAN: I never drank during the day, but six beers before dinner was common. Merrill and I went through a two-year period where we attempted to sample every beer in the entire world. She was bringing home beer from Korea, South America, Germany, Japan, Scotland, Italy, New Zealand. And I loved it. There is hardly any aspect of beer drinking that I don't love.
PLAYBOY: You look back over your beer-drinking years with such fondness--what made you stop? Are you an alcoholic?
LETTERMAN: I though alcoholism was certainly a potential problem. But the thing that made me stop was the show. I had to feel I was doing everything in my power to make it a success. Otherwise, I'd have to answer to myself for the rest of my life for being a failure. I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit. But I do look back on it with a great deal of relish."
That is all.
8 - Scott Butki
I just might have to watch this Craig guy sometime just to try to see his appeal.
9 - Joanie
Yes, watching is so much better than simply reading about the show.
10 - Scott Butki
When is it on and what channel?
I hear Craig and talk show and think that guy that was on the Daily Show before it got funny.
11 - terri
Craig is not only hot but he is a brillant at what he does. He produced, acted, and wrote medium indi budget films got them distributed, and then a long term gig as a late night leader! There have not been many... His ideas are fresh and smart! Hopefully he will be able to take Jay Leno's place if he retires so we can all go to bed earlier...It is hard to stay up late! As a single girl who lusts to be with this guy for his brilliance and looks I will take him with or without his shirt off but the Hollywood girls need to stay away so he can make us all happy at home waiting for him.....