Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 9-26-05

Dear Craig,

Thank God it's Monday. Turns out the VCR didn't tape Friday night and I've had three days without The Late Late Show or you. It was horrible. I've missed you terribly.

Demi and Ashton got married over the weekend and neither of us were invited, just as we missed the Bennifer II wedding. Not that I minded missing Bennifer's gig. I like Garner, but Affleck leaves me cold.

Shaved eyebrows, Craig? Yes, you admitted that you shaved them during your punk rock days. I, too, had an eyebrowless phase. Did you know that your hair and eyebrows can thin quite a bit if your thyroid is out of whack? It's true. While mine was out of control, my eyebrows slowly but surely disappeared. They eventually grew back, as did yours.

You were in such a great mood tonight! Have I ever told you how cute you are when you laugh? Baby, it's true.

I wish I had known you were stuck home alone Saturday night, pretending to be on the air. You could have come out to the Blue Cafe with me to see Corey Stevens. It was great fun. You'd have found plenty of material; enough for an entire week of shows. Including the gay white man dancing badly. Oh, honey - it was either very, very funny or very, very tragic - depending on perspective, I suppose.

Ben Stein covering Fashion Week in New York for you was an inspired idea. Ben admitted to getting his freak on while he was there. "Ben, do you think you could hook me up with one of your new friends?" you asked. He replied, "What do you think this is, 'Win Ben Stein's Honey'?" I'm still chuckling. Yeah, I sort of have the hots for Ben Stein, too.

Your first guest: Danny Bonaduce. The dude seriously needs to lose the biker chain to his wallet. And, he could try dumping the "ny" at the end of his first name. Think about it. What better way to grow up than by getting rid of a childish name? Don't confuse the issue by throwing Danny Thomas or Danny Kay at me. I'm trying to make a point - facts only get in the way.

On discussing his new show. Breaking Bonaduce, Danny said that he broke a coffee mug over his head to illustrate to his therapist how he "gets that" but not [tapping his heart] "this". Completely understandable, if you ask me. We all pretty much get the real, physical sensations but often fail to understand the inner workings that shape who we are. Still, I was rather surprised when he confessed to using his sole ten minute phone call each day to call his producers and not his wife. Sad.

Speaking of Danny's wife, I find it amazing that she's stayed with him for 15 years. It took her that long to tell him she wanted a divorce, which resulted in him slitting his wrists to prove that her leaving was akin to a death sentence. He admits that he's crazy, but not necessarily in a bad way. Um, okay. You know what is crazy? His arms. He's turning himself into a Lucky Vanous-forearm guy. That's insane! C'mon, surely you noticed those silly little girly forearms of his. You were sitting right next to him!

Article Author: Joan Hunt

Former Baywatch babe, Playboy centerfold, and stunt double for Abe Vigoda, Managing Editor of Blogcritics and member of the board of directors for BLUSD, Joanie juggles her love of words, music, photography, wildlife, and television with her greatest love -- her kids. …

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