Dear Craig,
Thank God it's Monday. Turns out the VCR didn't tape Friday night and I've had three days without The Late Late Show or you. It was horrible. I've missed you terribly.
Demi and Ashton got married over the weekend and neither of us were invited, just as we missed the Bennifer II wedding. Not that I minded missing Bennifer's gig. I like Garner, but Affleck leaves me cold.
Shaved eyebrows, Craig? Yes, you admitted that you shaved them during your punk rock days. I, too, had an eyebrowless phase. Did you know that your hair and eyebrows can thin quite a bit if your thyroid is out of whack? It's true. While mine was out of control, my eyebrows slowly but surely disappeared. They eventually grew back, as did yours.
You were in such a great mood tonight! Have I ever told you how cute you are when you laugh? Baby, it's true.
I wish I had known you were stuck home alone Saturday night, pretending to be on the air. You could have come out to the Blue Cafe with me to see Corey Stevens. It was great fun. You'd have found plenty of material; enough for an entire week of shows. Including the gay white man dancing badly. Oh, honey - it was either very, very funny or very, very tragic - depending on perspective, I suppose.
Ben Stein covering Fashion Week in New York for you was an inspired idea. Ben admitted to getting his freak on while he was there. "Ben, do you think you could hook me up with one of your new friends?" you asked. He replied, "What do you think this is, 'Win Ben Stein's Honey'?" I'm still chuckling. Yeah, I sort of have the hots for Ben Stein, too.
Your first guest: Danny Bonaduce. The dude seriously needs to lose the biker chain to his wallet. And, he could try dumping the "ny" at the end of his first name. Think about it. What better way to grow up than by getting rid of a childish name? Don't confuse the issue by throwing Danny Thomas or Danny Kay at me. I'm trying to make a point - facts only get in the way.
Article comments
1 - Cerulean
As he contemplates a restraining order :-)
2 - Cerulean
I'm not a Bonaduce fan but there's a recent pic of him with his shirt off and damn! He has a good body, especially for a middle-aged drug addict.
3 - Joanie
But, he has those freakishly skinny forearms! They totally gross me out. Ewww!
Now, Craig's arms...I like those just as they are. He doesn't gross me out at all.
4 - Cerulean
I only saw good muscles on Bonaduce and I'm not partisan. I haven't seen Craig's arms but we could have him and Danny arm wrestle in you like.
5 - Joanie
I'll skip the arm wrestling. Do you think we could talk Craig into a little mud wrestling, though? Not with Bonaduce, with me.
6 - Cerulean
Who has more muscles, you are him?
7 - Joanie
Does it really matter? I'd just turn to jelly in his presence anyway.