Dear Craig,
Welcome back, you cheeky wee monkey! That day off did wonders for you after Monday night's show. Fine form, yes indeed. And you got a standing ovation when you came out for the monologue.
So, there I was, all covered in scented oils, shaved strategically, and waiting for the next "great day in America" topic. I was ready.
The great day? Oscar nominations. You summed it up best when you said, "I don't give a rat's ass." Your theory behind the nomination of George Clooney was based on facial hair. According to you, the only way to get the nom if you're a man is to get a beard. Apparently, that should qualify Tom Cruise each and every year, but well, you set that joke up so much better than I ever could. That's why you get paid the big bucks.
Right after the Oscar nominations are announced, the Razzies announce their nominees. Fair enough. Dukes of Hazzard and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo were both nominated as the worst movies of 2005. I didn't even have to see either movie to have predicted that. Halle Berry won a Razzie last year for Catwoman, you noted, but she turned up with her Oscar to accept the golden fruit. Now that's classy!
Sketch: Sean Connery's This Day in History - In 1973, Sean Connery was climbing Mt. Fuji and got his arm stuck in a crevasse. There was only one thing he could do - cut it off. [Said arm is holding a drink.] It grew back.
Sketch 2: Following the State of the Union Address (during which the President said we, as a nation, are addicted to oil), the Democrats rebutted via Rep. Howell Thurston, who guzzled the black gold; Texas tea; oil, that is, like it was going out of style. Disgusting and funny all at once. Remind me not to use balsamic dressing anymore. That's all I could think of when I saw that.
Article comments
1 - Kirby Truhawk Trew-poetry
Craig, my wife and I went to your show this last monday It was terrific!
My wife gave you a couple of poems then, last night you talked about poetry hope you like one of mine, kirby truhawk,
[Personal contact info deleted]
2 - Beth Christie
All I wanted to do was get a message to Craig that I have finished reading his novel for the third time and still howl with laughter and cry real tears. I absolutely love the writing and the man.
3 - Kathy Custren
...Amazing play-by-play, Joan! (--And here I thought I was the only one awake enough in the wee hours to be diligently taking notes on Craig's show(s). Yours are so much more detailed than mine--plus they're actually typed, while mine are hastily scrawled (but readable, mind you). I have to admit, I slacked off the note taking after almost a year...but if something interesting is said, I still write it down. Some habits, especially where Craig's humor is concerned, are SOOOO hard to break--which is why I have an alarm set every night to catch the show. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane!
4 - Beth Carpenter
I am also reading Craig Ferguson's novel. It is one of the best novels i have ever read!!! I'm slowing down reading it though, as i get closer to the end. The reason is because it is such a rollar coaster ride i am worried that the ending cannot live up to the rest of the book. I'm sorry i feel this way, but you know how expectations are. And how they can lead to disappointment. The human mind is so amazing and Craig's is so brillant that i should just trust him that the end of the book will not disappoint. Besides, as soon as i finish, the sooner i can start the ride all over again!
Beth,
Hamilton, Canada