Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-1-2005

Dear Craig,

After a long day, it's nice to be able to sit around in my jammies and listen to you chat it up with your guests. It would be even better to have you here chatting with me, eating popcorn, and laughing hysterically over my t-shirt that claims the universe really does revolve around me, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon, is it?

Monologue: It's a great day for bad drivers in Los Angeles. Red light cameras are broken. Not a great day for the city, they're losing lots of money. For anyone not familiar with red light cameras, they take photos of cars that run red lights.

San Diego had the distinct honor of being a pilot city several years ago. Lawsuits were all the rage. People declared the cameras a waste of money. But, the truth was, accident rates dropped. Fewer accidents meant less money spent by the city on rescue services.

I don't mind the cameras so much, except when they installed four at one local intersection (there are normally only two). I was there the day the cameras were installed and calibrated. Sadly, the calibration was off and the next few days were spent with folks being blinded by the strobe-type lights that flashed at night. Randomly and rapidly every few seconds. Not surprising, accident rates increased until the city managed to get the lights reset.

Back to the monologue. Most people in L.A. like to have their picture taken. That's why you see people in cars putting on makeup all the time. "Sometimes the women do it, as well."

I hate that. Makeup in the car is a big no-no, unless you're Anna Nicole Smith. I will confess to carrying the makeup with me, but I never apply it in the car while I'm driving. When I get to wherever I'm headed? Sure. At a really long stop light? Why not? But, never EVER while I'm driving. Sorry. I like my eyes without eyeshadow or mascara applicators stuck in them. Eww!

So, there you are, driving around with your Giganticcino, a BigGulp of coffee. Just the thing to get the motor going, eh, Craiggles?

You went on to talk about how you recently bought a British car. British people don't know how to make a cup holder. "I should have bought American...American designers start with the cup holder." Don't laugh, but I actually had a friend once who bought her car because of the cup holder. She had to replace her car rather soon after she bought it, though. Why? Because she applied makeup while driving and drinking a BigGulp of diet soda.

Article Author: Joan Hunt

Former Baywatch babe, Playboy centerfold, and stunt double for Abe Vigoda, Managing Editor of Blogcritics and member of the board of directors for BLUSD, Joanie juggles her love of words, music, photography, wildlife, and television with her greatest love -- her kids. …

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