Dear Craig,
I'm not exactly sure where you get your ideas for the show, but if they're a product of some crazy food you've eaten or some weird new agey treatment, I'm cool with that. You are definitely not a mainstream thinker. I like that. Quirky. That's what you are. Quirky.
Monologue: Columbus Day in America means that everything is closed and people stay home, except you. Columbus Day was always a mixed blessing for me as a child. You see, children get the obligatory Christopher Columbus/1492 lessons for at least a week prior to the semi-holiday. Every year, I was made the captain of a ship. Why? Because my name at the time was Nina Maria Pinta. Okay, maybe not. But my last name was Pinta. Yeah, you try to work around that one. Someday I'll tell the story of the cars my family drove. Three vehicles, all Pintos. Oh, guess I already spilled the beans, didn't I?
"No, no! I don't want to be captain again! Mutiny! Mutiny!" That rarely earns points with teachers. No amount of sniffing of the old oil cloth desk covers could erase their steely stares and stern frowns from my mind.
Back to the show. Yes. Let's.
I was rolling merrily along with you until you got to "whatchu talkin' 'bout, Torquemada? Ah, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition." I laughed so hard that I missed quite a bit. Thankfully, I taped the show and can go back to watch again and again and again. I won't dare attempt capturing the fun tonight. I'm nowhere near recovered enough from the gigglefest to do an adequate job.
The Spanish Inquisition, indeed.
Ximinez:
NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!(To Cardinal Biggles) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Forgive this poor Python fan. I have a rather large library of Monty Python transcripts. It's my other obsession. And, I digress.
Article comments
1 - Heather
The Scottish Years is up on the CBS site! This makes me very happy because the infinate wisdom of my local CBS provider was to run commercials until that skit was over. Then I checked some Craig message board only to find out it was the best skit ever. So I'm glad its up on the site - I'm headed there next.
The monologue was great last night. I love his smartness. Smart humor goes a long way in my wee book, I'll tell ya.
And what an inspiration Nuala O'Faolain is. As someone who would like to one day be the writer of books, I like to see women who write 'confessional crap' succeed by chance or circumstance. It gives me hope.
I keep thinking I should tape LLS but I don't. I suppose if I did I'd never leave the living room. (So I come here instead.)
And Monty Python is definately a good alternative obsession. :)
(oh, and let me know if I'm talking too much. :D )
2 - Joanie
You can never say too much, Heather. Feel free to comment at will.
By the way, thanks for the tip that the Scottish Years was already online. My son watched it four or five times today.
3 - Tourgoddess
Joan,
I am concerned about this Sharon Stone thing.
While they might have gotten along like a house on fire and she is vivacious, intelligent, and attractive, she is also an extremely volatile and capricious diva. She is also quite competitive.
While they have sons somewhat the same age in common and live close to one another, I am hoping that this relationship will be a roman candle and fizzle quickly - for his sake.
Craig is actually a decent fellow and particularly vulnerable to the charms of such a person.
Recently divorced men seem to marry on the rebound and I certainly hope this is not the case here.
The Tourgoddess
4 - Joanie
Craig's a grown man who deserves as much happiness as anyone else. Whether he's dating Stone or anyone else, it's none of my business.
5 - Mcikiewicz
I think Sharon Stone should be dating me, Not Craig Ferguson. I think I'm better looking and much younger than him!
6 - You actually like craig?
Not trying to be rude, but I just don't get Craig.
Found an article that kind of sums up my opinion and actually sheds some light on how he got the job.
7 - tabatha
he is not dating sharon stone!!!!!!!!
he said it himself on his show!!!!!!
and craig ferguson is the best talk show host out there and always will be!
and he is sexy!