So what would our dear Craig's porn name have been? You reveal that it would have been Rusty Trombone. And then you mentioned the name Kitty Tuba for a woman. Silly me, I giggled. Now, based on an internet quiz I once took, I'd be Naughty Starr Brite. I kind of like it.
Since expiring, er...inquiring minds want to know, the reason you turned down a role in the softcore flick was because the former Mrs. Ferguson saw the word nipple in the script and vetoed the movie. Personally, I think the fact you consulted her about the potential job tells a lot about the kind of man you are. I find that very attractive in a man. Rooowr.
Back to porn, though. Do you really think it's too mainstream these days? On one hand, I think you may be right. "Porn is too easy, access is too easy." It can demystify sex. You said, "sex should be naughty and private." And then you said something about giant underpants. If you're looking for granny panties, Craig, well, I think I have some of those...never mind.
Anyhow, back to the subject at hand. Porn is available at the click of a mouse or the touch of a button these days. It can be rather unreal and impersonal. On the other hand (I think I'm up to three), porn has made it okay to talk about sex. If something allows you to open up to your significant other about your desires, that's a good thing, isn't it? If you can talk about intimate sexual needs, you should be able to talk about anything and everything else.
The monologue continued on. "I'm a method actor!" You cried. You'd want to feel your art. "I was kicked out of an art museum for fondling a statue." Oh, to be a concrete blonde in that museum!
Of course, you had to add "porn, it doesn't really hover my craft."
What the entire monologue boiled down to was: "Porn is like being hungry and being shown a picture of a cake. You can't have the cake."
Porn is tricky subject, but I think you handled it deftly. I doubt you upset anyone with your thoughts. Then again, if anyone was offend, what were they doing up so late anyway?
.jpg?t=20130517094513)
Article comments
1 - Lisa McKay
Thanks for these, Joanie! They make me laugh and they make up for the fact that I can't stay up much past 11:30.
2 - Leo
Joan, you are a great read. Love your humor. Believe it? I just found your blog! Your style just fits the flow of Craig's show. I'm sure you'll agree that Craig is the best to come along ever in that talk show seat. No script. Wow! The man is a genius. According to our pal Google News, Craig and Sharon are said to be an item. Buy it?
L
3 - Heather
Last nights show was really good. There were so many honest moments and real jokes. I really like it when he's so chatty.
Thanks for the recap. :)
4 - Temple Stark
Hover my craft.
delightful. ...
The rest is just scary stuff :-)
5 - Joanie
I'm glad you're all enjoying.
Leo, thanks...obviously I'm trying to have as much fun as possible.
Temple, you have to see it to understand how funny it all is, especially on a show like last night's. Honestly, the man is a genius! How do you make addiction funny? Let Craig play with it!
Lisa and Heather, Thank you!
6 - Bob A. Booey
Dr. Drew is way too much of a media whore -- what was up with him playing the Olsen twins' dad in that movie that bombed and the constant attempts to get on TV for any silly reason? I still remember when he whored himself out to be on Big Brother and commented on how the guests were interacting, calling it "really very moving." Ugh.
But he's a pretty smart guy who probably means well, although I think the medium swallows his message whole in most cases. And I respect him way more than Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, John Gray and all the other phony mental health professionals out there because Dr. Drew is an actual physician, an MD with years of clinical experience in treating addiction and not just some idiot voice of moral judgment in the media restating the obvious.
That is all.
7 - Joanie
Bob, thank you. That's the first comment I've seen from you that was devoid of sexual innuendo or cursing. I'm impressed.
As for all the TV pop psychologists, I like Dr. Drew best. He's the most real of the bunch. Send me a comment with a real email and I'll provide you with a link to the FUNNIEST Dr. Phil post you'll ever read.
8 - Butch Bradley
Joanie
Thanks for the kind words! I would love you to come catch me at the laugh factory. my site will be down for a quick mi ute but its butchbradley.com .
Have a great one
Butch Bradley
9 - Joanie
Butch, you rocked, dude! I can't wait to see you perform a full show. Check your email for more effusive praise and totally sincere ass kissing.
10 - Gladys
Hi Craig
I was just wondering if your couch ever arrived? You made such a big production of how long it takes to deliver a couch.
Thanks
LOVE YOUR SHOW
GLADYS
11 - Ruth
Hey Craig,
Love your stlye and many other talents, hell your laugh and smile make it a brighter day.
Thanks,
Ruth
12 - carol chase
As craig is what I look forward to on
late late night, How can I contact him.
I sent him a cheeky wee monkey and I
never received a reply.
Carol Chase