College Humor Television Causes Cancer

I have to state a couple of things before you read today's article. First, I have nothing against College Humor or Judah Friedlander. There is no rivalry between College Humor Television and The Brandon Show. We are, for now anyway, so small on their radar screen that it is not even a contest. If anything, College Humor has helped us out from time to time by linking to our articles. But I have to say, I hated the first episode of their new television show. Maybe I just had high expectations for a company with a major motion picture deal, or maybe I'm just being a jerk; you decide.

Dear College Humor Television,

I was surfing through your site to do some research on what passes for college entertainment for my Senior Seminar project. After trying to force a smile at College Humor’s April Fools joke this year, I clicked on the CHTV logo to see the first episode of the site’s TV show. I’m not an expert on college television, but I’d like to think I know a thing or two about what is funny, and what makes people want to play with a sheet of metal during a thunderstorm. I can say without any shred of doubt, CHTV is the latter.

The fact that College Humor has a developmental deal with SONY Pictures makes me want to cut my wrists, and hope I survive long enough to cut them again. Here is what is wrong with CHTV. First, your host looks like Captain Emo. When I see him, I see the face of Dashboard Confessional fans. And studies have shown being exposed to people who like Dashboard or other “fine” emo music leads to the Ebola virus, another highly contagious disease that, like emo music, makes people vomit in-between wild fits of fever and crying in the corner.

Man-on-the-street segments don’t work for Jay Leno or David Letterman; they’re not going to work for you. And oh yeah, way to be “hip and edgy” by asking people when was the last time they got “laid.” Like we haven’t heard that one on the National Lampoon Network or any HBO special involving regular people. The Black Eyed Peas joke made me want to piss myself. Not because it was funny, but because the filth I would be swimming in would be more entertaining than the excrement I was watching on your show. A college student in New York City is as far as you can get from the portrayal of the “average” college student, who you claimed to be reaching in your man on the street segment. There is nothing wrong with college students from New York City, but all because you were too lazy to film the segment elsewhere doesn’t give you the right to advertise you were reaching out to the “average” college student.

Article Author: Brandon J. Mendelson

Brandon J. Mendelson is acolumnist for the Albany Student Press and Blogger for the Albany Times Union. You can follow Brandon's college survival guide at The Graduate Student Survival Guide

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