The following blog posts were found at the site formerly known as lazyslackerslugsdeservetodie.com. Government codename: “Cloverfield is a shameless Blair Witch Project rip-off, isn‘t it?" ITEM NO.: 37-X2267-001-4A.
Tuesday,
JAN. 22, 2008
6:48 a.m.
Wake up groggy in a naked pile of MTV-type models after an all-night orgy with other decadent members of my mind-numbing, video game-playing, generation. What a glorious day to be blasé! I peek out the window at the Kurt Cobain-inspired gloom and ponder what the day holds for me out in the cold, cruel world. Certainly not a Godzilla-sized, man-eating monster, I muse!
Tuesday,
JAN. 22, 2008
6:52 a.m.
After realizing it is only 6:52 in the freaking morning, I make a pro-active choice and go back to bed. I sleep to noon.
Tuesday,
JAN. 22, 2008
12:01 p.m.
After sleeping to noon, I check my text messages, my email, the voice mail on my cell phone, my home answering machine, the comments section on my blog, the comments section on the blogs of each and every friend of mine, my Blackberry, my Facebook account, and my profile page on MySpace for any updates. And then, rather suddenly, I realize that I was supposed to be at work four hours ago. That’s a slacker for you!
Tuesday,
JAN. 22, 2008
2:31 p.m.
Lazy slacker girlfriend finally wakes up. Upon thoughtful reflection over a bowl of Frosted Flakes she informs me that it’s time we “take a break from one another.” When I ask why, she matter of factly reminds me that “it’s not you... it's me.” When I politely inform her that she’s ripping off Seinfeld, she leaves my tastefully decorated loft that I could never possibly afford on my salary in a huff, slamming the door behind her. Then and there, it suddenly dawns on me that I never told my girlfriend how much I care about her, you know, in case she gets gobbled up by a gigantic space monster (or something) that randomly decides to terrorize the city today. Ironic.
Tuesday,
JAN. 22, 2008
2:34 p.m.
I shrug in a shallow fashion, crack open a beer, and toss myself on the tangled, naked pile of supermodels on my bed. What else can you do?
Article comments
1 - xtianrz
I hated the blair witch bullshit- .....zzzzz boring ZZZZZZ. This movie is the same???? ZZZZ
2 - Chris McVetta
I think you're missing the point here:
The monster(s) from "Cloverfield" eat shallow, misguided, twenty-something financial bankers ...for no apparent reason.
The witches from "Blair Witch Project" eat shallow, misguided, twenty-something film school students ...for no apparent reason.
Wait. I'm boring MYSELF now (shallow and misguided) ...for no apparent reason.