My daughter Lily will be four in just a few weeks. She is the perfect age to have her mind warped by marketing vultures. In the last few days her dad brought home what we thought were innocuous and benevolent videos for her to watch, useful tools of entertainment that she is very fond of.
We don't watch much regular TV but we do watch a fair amount of videos, and as anyone with kids will tell you, the same videos are watched repeatedly in very short span of time.
So in walks Eric with a couple of blasts from the past: Strawberry Shortcakeand the Care Bears.
Well, the Strawberry Shortcake video seems innocent enough, other than the hidden stereotypes and unique marketing devices - the case smells like strawberries. But it's deceptive nonetheless. I can't see how my daughter can benefit in any way from watching children whose lives revolve around sweets. Lily is already obsessed with sweets, how is this helping?
So just as I was about to wage war on the seductive Strawberry Shortcake and her friends Rotten Teeth Sally and Obese Betty, I sat down and watched the Care Bears.
To say that this animation is the work of the devil is an understatement. This is pure evil incarnate.
The doe-eyed little bears with names like Funshine, Share-a-lot, Champ, Tenderheart, Love-you-long-time etc. seem so innocent and sweet, just the kind of influence you want on your child. They are always smiling, trying to be helpful, looking at the bright side of life, blah blah blah. BUT IT'S A RUSE.
What really happens are sadistic plots that include children falling down wells, trapped with rocks falling on them, bullies shoving kids on the playground because they have braces on, camp counselors telling frightening tales of monsters who eat children, grownups deceiving - exploiting love and goodness - honestly the list goes on and on, each episode more disturbing than the next.
And in the end the Care Bears using their "Magic Goodness" save the day through convoluted plot devices and actions that are completely contrived and incomprehensible by children of any age (I didn't get half of it).
No real lessons are learned and the children who are engrossed by these shows only remember the horrific scenes of danger, cruelty and mayhem that were wrought.
What kind of monster creates these shows? Cleveland's own American Greetings. The same people who brought you Sweetheart's Day.
I wonder if they are hiring?
Article comments
1 - Michael Croft
Heh. Strawberry Shortcake has popped up in a few web cartoons in the past year or so. Web cartoonists seem less fond of her than you do.
RK Mulholland's Something Positive had a story with his characters role-playing Strawberry Shortcake and other toy heros. Not work safe, but funny. Davin's renamed Care Bear was great.
Two web cartoonists posted American McGee's Strawberry Shortcake, making fun of American McGee's Alice. Result, American Greetings threatened legal action. One wonders if Bill O'Reily was involved.
2 - tonia
ur retarded stop picking on the care bears like serisoly get a life u retaded freak who picks on little helpless bear thta can't fight back against u
3 - Victor Plenty
Thanks, Tonia! Without your outraged over-reaction bringing it back out of the depths of the archives, I might never have had the chance to read Dawn's hilarious and insightful review of the Care Bears.
4 - Dave Nalle
The Care Bears are not actually the work of the devil, they're actually a product of a vast voodoo conspiracy as demonstrated previously here on BC.
Dave
5 - J. E. Bright
You should actually try writing a book called WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? It does strange things to the brain.
6 - Jen
First off I grew up on the original Care Bears in the 80's, Obviously dawn was born in the late 90s, otherwise she would have known it was all about marketing cheesy goodness to children, and to some extent it worked.
I am still a fan of the originals because that stuff had an impact on my life.
Over all Care bears is a decent way to attempt to teach youngsters morals.
and remember It's a cartoon for people who where children in the 80's, it's not real!
Just like Harry Potter, and all the magic in it isn't real!
7 - Kat
I agree with Jen. I too grew up with the Care Bears, and I still love them now. I learnt a lot of things from watching these funny and cute bears, and today I still use the morals that were featured in the Care Bears cartoons.
As for Strawberry Shortcake, they also teach children morals, and the sweets that they eat are made from fruit and vegitables that the charectors grew in their gardens.
So Dawn if you think that they are evil, I feel sorry for your children, because there is something seriously wrong with you and should probebly be locked up before you hurt yourself or worse, someone else.
8 - Anna
I too was an 80s child who grew up with the Care Bears. I can't recall having ever been traumatised by the "horrific scenes of danger, cruelty and mayhem" ?? If you're worried about the Care Bears I think you'd better throw the TV out the window! As for the resolutions, "incomprehensible by children of any age", the Care Bear Stare - used to defeat evil - is a technique whereby the bears stand together and transmit beams of good will through their bellies. for further information. And I don't think children have too much trouble understanding it :)
9 - Duane
Exposing children to Care Bears is dangerous. Kids should instead be exposed to the truth that bears will eat them, given the chance. A bear in the wild will run you down and eat you. They don't care about you missing work on Monday.
If you are happily walking along a trail, and you come across a couple of bear cubbies, you will want to approach them. If your kids are with you, they will think about Funshine Bear, and want to play with the cute little furballs. Just at that moment, Momma Bear will lunge out from behind a stand of trees, then proceed to eat the slowest runner in your group. They don't care that the unlucky victim will be dearly missed by the loved ones.
Just when you are snuggling into your sleeping bag, letting the peaceful sounds of the forest lull you off to sleep, you might hear a snuffling sound, followed by a low throaty growl. Your tent will start to flutter, and you will hear the sound of heavy breathing just outside the tent. You will try to remain motionless. You will try to hold your breath. You will worry that the bear can hear your heart pounding. Then the tent will be ripped apart, and you will be dragged from it, kicking and screaming, after which the bear will proceed to eat you. The bear will not care how much you beg. If you deliver your best punch to the bear's nose, he will smile his toothy bear smile at you, then sink his teeth into your head.
You might have seen bears at the zoo. They seem docile enough. But believe me, when they see you, they fantasize about meeting up with you on a lonely trail in the Canadian Rockies and eating you. The bear does not care that you think you are doing him a big favor by keeping him captive. He would eat you just the same.
If you do happen to meet up with a bear in the wild, beware the warning signs. If the bear looks you in the eye, it is telling you that you have intruded on his territory. If it starts pawing the ground, he is telling you that he is prepared to defend his territory. If the ears flatten against the head, he is preparing to charge. You cannot outrun a bear. If the bear is black, play dead, and you might not get totally eaten. If the bear is brown, and you see the ears back, you are in a world of shit. You will be eaten.
Kids should know this stuff.
10 - Mike
This is the most ridiculous misuse of information that will be available to the public (with the exception of the one about getting eaten by real bears). People, put down the crackpipe and step away from the keyboard.
11 - not your name
i think your over reacting. my cousin now 2 1/2 was very selfish and took everything and called it hers and would cry when she didn't get her way. Ever since care bears, she will give me all her toys and say "Yours, share, happy!" and i so totally agree with Mike (#10)
12 - Skivette
dude. ur twistd. get help. CARE BEARS ROCK
i'm only 13 and i have been watching care bears for ages. I think that you have taken way to much time thinking about this. Care bears are a great influence on kids, they teach them about sharing and caring about OTHERS. not about bears. Notice that in most episodes the care bears are helping HUMANS TO HELP EACH OTHER. Isn't that what we want kids to learn?
13 - sara
hi i hate care bears because they are so scary
14 - jenni
this site roxz it has care bears stuff on it
15 - ron
How can you say that the care bears are devil kind of things? the reason i am asking is cause the show shows morals, and how to care share, and many other things parents need to teach their children.
I babysit a lot of kids and have found that the care bears have helped in teaching very vital important morals to our young children
16 - LUIS
To: Dawn Olsen
Lighten up, its just a cartoon show. There is no "evil" behind any of it, you just have way too much time on your hands. I can't believe you would make such ridiculous statements about such a great kids show like the Care Bears!!
17 - Lisa
Get over yourself, take a look around. The Care Bears are evil? Have you watched the news lately, if that dosn't send the children of the world screaming for cover then how will cuddly little bears? The Care Bears teach kids to give and share and think about other people. Have you ever spent much time around the youth of today? Somebody needs to teach them to care about something other than the next cell phone or drug. As for the horror that will leave it's mark on kids, what I remember are fuzzy little bears (that will never be mistaken for a stray grizzly- and have you ever seen a pink Black Bear?) that taught me to help other people and not pick on them. Simple lessons that seem to be wasted on you. You remind me of the guest preacher that convinced my mother that Santa was evil just because his name is an anagram of Satan. Beleive me, Care Bears did a lot less damage than watching my mom tear apart a felt Santa on Christmas Eve. Why don't you spend your time bad mouthing things like Pokemon that teach kids to fight and be concerned only with getting things. I seriously pitty your children, and when they grow up to despise the crap that you are spouting, may be some poor person who grew up watching the Care Bears will be their to comfort you... or perhaps they will see that you are basically evil and start ranting against you.
18 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Love them Care Bears, huh, Dawn? My kids prefer Blip and Blop, and THEIR version of the Care Bears...
19 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
And then of course, there are always the CAIR Bears, who are really about evil and sadism, disguised as cuddly love for American Arabs....
20 - Christian
I agree with the author- she ha made some very good points- and anyonw who is a Christian and care about how God wants us to live- should be willing to listen to this, and react by destroying any carebears merchandise- "My little Pony" is just as evil. These shows corrupt chilren by giving them a desire to seek after MAGIC!!!!(which is an abomination in the sight of God)