As soon as our overly-macho pink-skinned white hero declares, “It’s gonna be over before the sun hits the first layer of SPF,” you know you’ve just signed up for a dinner with one big-ass turkey. And, sure enough, Wild Things: Foursome is indeed a big-ass turkey. While most provocative, late-night-cable-type T&A movies are designed to leave the average straight male moaning on the couch with his pants undone, the turkey effect of Wild Things: Foursome leaves one moaning on the couch with one's pants undone in an agonizing, “Oh, my God, I consumed entirely too much turkey” post-holiday dinner kind of way. In fact, were it actually a real turkey, Wild Things: Foursome could successfully supply your entire family with Thanksgiving dinners for years to come.
Sadly, such is not the case. Instead, Wild Things: Foursome delivers some very predictable thrills and some of the most insincere performances this side of a Tim Allen movie.
Set in sunny Florida, Wild Things: Foursome brings us another sordid tale of sex and murder, with numerous twists thrown into the fray in order to try to keep its viewers awake. We begin with rich college douchebag Carson (played Ashley Parker Angel — yes, that’s his name) partying it up with his fiancée Rachel (Marnette Patterson) and all of their frat/sorority-house friends — much to the dismay of his dad (Cameron Daddo), who later winds up buying the farm in a mysterious racing accident. Shortly thereafter, Carson finds himself in hot water after allegedly raping co-ed Brandi (Jillian Murray). It’s all a rouse, of course, but seeing as how a mysterious death is on their hands, the local police have no alternative but to send in The Dukes Of Hazzard’s John Schneider (the only professional actor in this whole mess) to investigate.
In keeping up with the other unrelated entries in the Wild Things franchise, one scheme begins to surface after another through Schneider’s investigation. Now, had the film been written by competent writers, all of the twists and turns would seem very intricate and enthralling. In the case of Wild Things: Foursome, however, it just shows that the writers had no idea what they were doing. Couple that with the fact that this is another in a long line of direct-to-video turds from the quality control specialists at Stage 6 Films, and you’ve got another straight-to-DVD B-Movie full of bad acting, lousy writing, and a few ass shots.