What prompts people to make big screen adaptations of cartoons, comics, and video games? Perhaps it is the allure of success that drives these brave men and women. Who wouldn’t want to enjoy even a fraction of the victory that Sam Raimi has achieved with his Spider-Man franchise? And what better way to reach your own personal pinnacle of moviemaking happiness by really thinking outside of the box — and developing a kiddie cartoon like Dragonball into a live-action spectacle?
It should go without saying that one must be overly cautious and fiscally conscientious when adapting such material into a moving picture of epic proportions. You don’t want your feature to turn out like Double Dragon, Josie And The Pussycats or The Fantastic Four (naturally, I refer to Roger Corman’s 1994 version of The Fantastic Four, although the newer entries were just as dumb).
Well, apparently, the schmuck that gave Dragonball: Evolution the green light never saw any of those movies. That, or he was secretly working for a government agency. But this wasn’t any ordinary government agency. This was one of those black-ops agencies. One that had just finished developing a new contraption capable of capturing the very essence of whichever emotion or feeling was most prominent while the movie was made.
In the case of Dragonball: Evolution, the feeling was that of embarrassment. And now, thanks to the marvels of home video, you can feel all of the heart-pounding, show-stopping, mind-numbing humiliation that Dragonball: Evolution has to offer.
Dragonball: Evolution was surely embarrassing for the crew. It’s definitely embarrassing for the cast. And it is most assuredly embarrassing for the audience. I actually switched it off for a bit when my fiancée came home. I would have felt more secure about the future of our relationship had she have walked in on me while I was watching a live sex act between a coked-up hooker and a dead barnyard animal than I did when she asked me what I was watching and I was forced to utter “Umm, Dragonball” as my response.
Soon, I resumed the movie. It was so bad, that I was giggling like a cross between Robin Williams and Curly Howard (which is how I laugh, incidentally). My poor fiancée made the mistake of trying to ignore the film. But, between my chuckling and the fact that it was such a jaw-droppingly bad film, she couldn’t. She was getting sucked in, too. Her cat — a hefty animal, I must say — sensed the danger and tried to act cute to distract us. Alas, her weight interfered…or was it the movie instead?
Article comments
1 - Lisa McKay
Please tell me that's not Marsters in the alien get-up.
Adam, somehow this review makes me want to put this in my Netflix queue -- kind of like the train wreck you can't force yourself to look away from.
2 - logandbz
The movie wasn't the greatest, I'll give you that.
To a DBZ fan, it was actually better than I thought they would put out. If you have ever seen the cartoon, you would know this is actually pretty accurate.
3 - goku's rape attorney
I swithed this movie off after 2 minutes when goku complained about being bullied in school. There are so many things wrong with that...