Before you decide to snuggle up with your loved one(s) and pop in a copy of Jamaa Fanaka's sleazy 1975 UCLA student film Soul Vengeance (aka Welcome Home Brother Charles), you may want to ask yourself this question: Do I really want to see a white man being strangled to death by an abnormally large African-American penis?
Furthermore, do I want to see the owner of this super-sized member seduce a handful of suburban white women with the unholy magnetism of his gargantuan genitalia? Not too many people will reply positively, I'm sure, so don't feel ashamed if your answer doesn't jive with what you're likely to find lurking in this review. It's okay — I'm there for you.
As for yours truly, I responded with a resounding YES, one that could be heard as far away as the next room. If there's one thing better than watching a black guy hypnotise a white woman with his sinister wang, it's watching a black guy murder some shystie-ass white dude with his rubbery trouser python. Color me deviant. Awww, yeah.
Soul Vengeance tells the heartbreaking story of Charles Murray, a dope-slingin' hustler from the mean streets of Los Angeles. After being shaken down by the proverbial "man," he watches in absolute horror as the arresting officer takes a pocketknife to his throbbing manhood. For three years he rots in a filthy cell, seething with bitter rage and plotting his revenge against those wiener-chopping white boys who left him with scar tissue on the best part of his anatomy. Any guy who has accidentally caught his wee-wee in his zipper can relate, I'm sure.
When our hero is finally released from the white man's payment plan, he discovers the streets aren't as friendly as they used to be. His old girlfriend, for example, is now dancing bottomless at the nudie bar down the block. To make matters worse, she's gettin' it on day and night with his former best friend, who now thinks he rules the neighborhood. The only thing left for poor Charles to do is shack up with a former hooker, eat Chinese food, and look for work, a task that proves difficult given his dodgy criminal past.
The movie finally kicks into gear once poor Chuck sees that corrupt castrating cop on the local news. Having recently emerged from an undercover sting operation, this lowly pig gleefully tells reporters that he's ready to shave his beard and get back to a normal lifestyle. Charles, of course, has other plans in store for the detective, plans that begin as an odd sensation between his legs. Using his unholy sausage to hypnotize the wives of those who wronged him, Charles infiltrates their respective households and drops the deadly meat on their husbands — literally. Can the police stop his testicular crime spree before he kills again?
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Article comments
1 - Kaonashi
This has got to be the one of the funniest movie reviews I've read in a long time.
I'm a little confused though- does Charles acquire a type of phantom pee-pee to choke the cops with, or did his old meatstick somehow come to life and do the dirty work for him?
2 - T. Rigney
Regarding the film's sinister schlong, Charles inflicts fatal bodily harm on his tormentors when his OWN massive meatstrick comes to life, grows abnormally large, and kind of snakes around the room. When this happens, a kind of foghorn is heard, followed by profuse sweating.
I'm glad you enjoyed the review! That's always nice to hear.
3 - Kaonashi
"...when his OWN massive meatstrick comes to life, grows abnormally large, and kind of snakes around the room."
Wow. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have looked like on screen. Interestingly enough, the phrase, "Pure Alabama Blacksnake" from Full Metal Jacket came to mind as I read your description.
4 - Mat Brewster
Do I really want to see a white man being strangled to death by an abnormally large African-American penis?
Do I ever! That's my number one fantasy!
5 - Lisa McKay
Congratulations! This review has been chosen as a BC Magazine editor's pick this week.
6 - T. Rigney
Holy crap! Thanks!
7 - Urbanicus
Sadly, the scenes with Charles' member are fairly disappointing. While I wasn't expecting pornographic detail, if you only watched those scenes, without context, you wouldn't really know that he was strangling people with a monstrous schlong.
Just a fair warning. What seems to be billed as the most exotic and interesting part of the film ends up being somewhat disappointing and not nearly as awesome as it sounds in writing.