The impending death of analog television will inevitably claim the lives of the hundreds of low-power television stations sprinkled across this country like tiny red pimples on your bed-ridden grandfather's oversized posterior. WBLU in Lexington, Kentucky has already been seized by the same greedy corporation responsible for pumping Telemundo into the homes of countless illegal immigrants nationwide, leaving this spiffy little city without any independent television stations to speak of. Gone are the days of the midnight movie, the Sunday afternoon matinee, and my personal favorite, the indispensable kung fu theater.
Ninja Death II, with a little editing to excise the pointless nudity and gratuitous sex, would have fit nicely within my former employer's cozy line-up of classic public domain comedies and Don "The Dragon" Wilson action vehicles. In fact, the majority of the titles found nesting inside Mill Creek Entertainment's incredible 50 Martial Arts Movie Pack would have been welcomed additions to our stable of ultra wonky celluloid. As a guy who discovered his untapped passion for B-grade cinema thanks to several locally-operated television stations, it saddens me to think that this cost-effective form of televised entertainment will gradually disappear once the world has collectively jacked into the digital arena.
Thankfully, we still have films such as Ninja Death II to fall back on. The sequel to one of the craziest low-budget kung fu movies of all time picks up conveniently right where the first one left off. After relaying a few interesting tidbits of information regarding Tiger's storied past to his young student, the one known only as The Master clocks himself on the forehead and promptly drops dead. Devastated by the loss, our fearless hero begins training in the ways of Royal Kung Fu, a style which obviously requires lots of straining, flexing, and the occasional splash in a nearby stream. His new teacher — a cranky blind chap with a sharp wit — is on-hand to make sure Tiger doesn't screw things up.
Lurking suspiciously behind the scenes is The Grand Master, a stylish fiend who begins to suspect that two of his minions are, in fact, aiding Tiger in his quest to destroy this sadistic sect of nimble ninjas. More importantly, this dastardly villain has recently misplaced his prized possession: a hulking masked madman who has been brainwashed to do The Grand Master's evil bidding. As secrets slowly begin to emerge from the woodwork, Tiger will be forced to use his considerable kung fu prowess to defeat a seemingly endless supply of sword-wielding warriors who are hellbent on his complete and utter destruction. And if he has time, he'll mindlessly rape a virgin. Yikes.
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