"Is it a smile? Is it? Or is it in fact a loada hairy balls?"
Thrusts his head gainst mine, starts sniffin, side a the nose all caved in, the nostrils flappin in the breeze. "Sure smells like a loada hairy balls. You got a loada hairy balls hangin off a your skull?"
Thinkin. Do I? Wouldn't be the first time.
Hells fire, The Duke tryin to look as sensitive as god's creation affords for the benefit a the stripey-jumpered lass to the right, an all the while a bastard nut-sack right there 'bove the eyes.
Leper starts lookin round my back, then a surprised yelp. "Well I'll be damned in the wank, if it isn't Peter Jackson right up 'side the sphincter!"
Sarcastic laugh from Yours Truly.
Ah, I see what you're doin here, I'm sayin. Very good. Aye, I'm bein shafted by Peter Jackson for to pretend I really dug King Kong, bein shoved in the direction a pennin a glowin review no-one reads on account of it's a 78'000 screed wi only 67 words havin any relevance to Kong or King, and most a them involving King Kong Lives, being the pinnacle of Kong-related cinema hitherto this epic, this masterpiece, this "full exploration of what PETER JACKSON saw and wanted to explore in the original film".
Leper gives a shifty glare. "Knowles?"
Aye. So anyway, point is no, and, truth be told, I didn't even think it was gonna be that especially wonderful, I wasn't…
"…Bothered about the hype, and really I thought Kong looked a bit fake in the trailers. Aye?"
Shut up, bastard-face.
I need to get the hell back home, don't you see, my lady-woman's fixin for to filth my shoulders out my back, I ain't got time for this nonsense.
"An what you gonna tell her when she says 'So, Cummy O'Tool, how was it?' You gonna look her in the eyes an lie like a filthy Taliban to your own Best Gal? You gonna mention how insufferably flabby the first hour is? You gonna talk about how wretched all those slow-motion shenanigans really are? Or are you just gonna fall on the floor wi the pains in the prostate an through gritted gum-stools say 'Oh honey-pie, Kong was amazing! The next step in CGI character creation!'"
"He was amazing!"
And he was, too.
"Oh stop it!" he hisses, the tongue all boils an whelps. "What next, dare I for a second ponder? Loada shite 'bout how touching it is, all that 'Ooh, he really loves Naomi Watts out the film about dyin'? Maybe 'Well, I didn't expect to cry my face in five, but there they are, chards a face lyin all o'er my damn knees.' Why don't you say about how you forgot it was even CGI, it was all so amazing. Why don't you say it just amazed the hair off a your bones, the amazing-ness of it all."